Greetins and Salutations mi dere fans!
 
Uno hall knoe sey is halmos Chrismas Time and hevry place inna "Jam Down" decarate hup like dress puss.
Me say me dung a Cansan Spring Road de odder day, me couldn't did pass thrugh de store dem too good. 'cause every wey me go de custed big ole holiday bell dem a rub sparkle hall ova me clothes an sinting dem.
Den mi foot ketch hup inna de garlan dem, de nex ting me knoe iz de garlan wrap hup roung me leg an mi fell dung han bruise me knee dem.
 
Me tell yu iz ongly de Lawd save me from flingin de manneqin an decaration dung de escalata.  De blinkin store Managa hapologize to me wid wan twenty parcent hoff cupon. A wey im tink sey? Im mussey tink me iz wanna dem tuff hup oman?
 
Me juss kinly tell im sey mi wi be in touch wid me Dacta bill. Bwoy! A wuz so bex pon de hexperience, specially since me go fi buy presant far Hingrid pickney.
 
Yes, mi deares Ms. Dulcima is a Granmumma now. Heh...heh...A feel sarry fi de fly wey buzz roung mi granpickney. Hanyway me juss tek two phensic we me did haff inna mi purse an mix hup sum sweet suga an water from two likle suga packit me did haf inna me purse. Tank Jesus! sey me did carry me termos inna mi bag....Thru dat me did get fi finish me shappin.
 
Well now dat me res hoff good, cum mek me tell yu bout wan letta we me get from wan oman inna France.
 
 
Dear Ms. Dulcimer:
 
I am a married Jamaican woman who came to live in  France in order to study the Culinary Arts at the Sorbonne'.
 
Initially I migrated here by myself just to go to the Culinary School, while my husband remained in Jamaica teaching Secondary School.
 
The first few months were fine, however after several months, France became very lonely and I became friendly with a gentleman whose name is  Etienne. He was very helpful  with my studies as well as showing me around Europe. One night Etienne invited me to a "nightclub", and that changed my life and our friendship forever.
 
The "nightclub" he invited me to was not the average "nightclub" you see. It was a sex club. Until that night I had no idea what a sex club was. When I entered the place it was obvious that I was overdressed because the club was dimly lit and people were sitting on lounging chairs in the nude. As we ventured further into the club, it grew, darker and darker and there were mildly lit corners with patrons participating in intimate acts. There were men with men, and women with other women, and a multitude of bizarre happenings.
 
My first reaction was to dash out of the place, but Etienne held on to my hand firmly saying, "This is France, everyone does craazie tings ere." He then promised we would only have a drink and then he would take me home.
 
Ms. Dulcie, I dont remember much after that conversation with him. The next thing I remembered was waking up with an intravenous needle in my arm and I was scantilly dressed. I felt really strange, later on I found out that I was injected with heroin.
My body ached all over and seemed bruise. Etienne was nowhere to be found and it was the wee hours of the morning. I managed to pull myself together and made it home to my bungalow.
 
Later on that night, I checked into a nearby medical facility because I began vomitting and having erratic bowel movements. It was then that I found out, that I had been sexually assaulted, sodomized and drugged.
It took me more than a year to recuperate from this devastating experience. I blame myself because I trusted a person who I thought was my friend.
 
I never heard from Etienne again until 4 years later when my husband had finally moved to France to be with me.  We were settling into our new home with our infant son, when a package arrived. The package contained videotapes of what really happened that night. I had never told my husband about the event and as fate would have it, he was the person who received the package. Needless to say, he was torn to pieces by the video. The tape had ovbiously been tampered with, because it made me look as if I was aware of what was going on. After that package was sent, the harrassment began by Etienne.
 
He began blackmailing me to work in his club. He said if my husband and I did not work for him  that he would show the pictures to the authorities and make them take away my child.
 
Ms. Dulcimer he wanted to tun us us into "funny people".
 
Unbeknownst to me, Etienne was a smooth criminal. He made his living by tricking people. Our nightmare began getting worse. There would be knocks on our doors at all hours of the night, people requesting to "party". At that point, since we were foreigners in a strange country, we felt we had no choice. We did not want the authorities to take our child. Especially since he was a citizen of France.
 
Eventually we were able to get help through the Jamaican Consulate and we left France never to see Etienne or his wretched nightclub again.
 
Ms. Dulcimer, my marriage has been destroyed by this entire ordeal and I have raised my son alone for ten years now. He is getting older and beginning to ask questions about his father and I.
 
What could I possible say to him to make things sound normal or right?
 
 
Sincerely,
"Worried Mother"
 
 
Dear "Woried Mother":
 
Lek me start hoff by sayin, what a lang leta yu write me!
 
Yu mussey have a heby burden pon yu ches. Well, iz hunfortunate wat appen to yu. Yu could did not go hout wid de man Eton 'cause yu married, hor yu culd did run to backfoot outa de blasted club. Me halways tell Hingrid, "Fallow yu fus mind. But me knoe when inna fareign place sumtime loneliness get de betta hof yu. De next ting iz, yu culda nevva drink nuttin.
 
But, culda...shulda iz hall wata unda de bridge.
Sumtimes tings appen far a reason.
Now yu fambly bruk hup on account a dis ya crimnal man an im antics, but yu waz proteckin yu pickney. A doughn't tink a modder on hearth wuld fault yu fa dat.
 
A feel bad far yu 'cause yu feel sey yu life ruin 'cause a wan chupid decision, but dem halways sey inna jamaica "Dere is halways a silva linin behine evry dark cloud".
 
Dis sitiation tes de luv hof yu an yu usban...Mebe yu marrige wasen has copasettic as yu tink......?
 
Mebe by now yu fine de silva linin, if not, yu will. Hall me cyan sey iz tun tings roun. Mek it yu life mission to bring dis ya headen, retch Eton to justice.
 
Yu iz defnetly a victim. Doughn't just tek wey im dish hout so, fight back till yu run im haffa de erth surface.
Plese no tell me sey yu worried wey yu pickney gwey tink. Im a go fine hout wan wey are de odder, but iz betta im knoe sey im Mumma is no "push ova".
 
Ms. Worried, fight till de hend or until yu get yu satisfaccion. Jus rememba sey chilren is very hundastandin, hespecially when yu mek a wrong, right.
Yu son will see yu has a survivor, iz yu strength im will see hinna hall dis ya roonkus poonkus.
 
Hanyway, Ms. Dulcie will pray far yu an yu fambly. Till nex time stay sweet an no drink from nobody.
 
Dulcimer Peaches Robothom