Jamaican Jokes: Jamaican Lottery Winner
Recently, this Jamaican won the 10 million special lottery for a dollar. As soon as the office of the Lottery Corporation was open on the following day, he was there to collect his winnings.
Hard Luck - Short story; adopted from the book The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois
Rudolph was twenty-one, and still a virgin. There were two reasons for this; one, he was so ugly that no girl in his home town wanted to be seen with him, much more to sleep with him. Two; he could not afford to pay the prostitutes even though he offered them more than what he thought was the going rate. He read the newspaper column for ‘Pen-pals Wanted’,
picked out some names and addresses, and wrote to a number of girls all over the island.
Godmother and Enid. - Short story; adopted from the book The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois
For nearly a century, from the late eighteen nineties to the early nineteen seventies, Jamaica enjoyed unprecedented growth compared to the other West Indian countries. The capital, Kingston was a melting pot. People from all over the world were taking up residences there. Along with the island’s lovely climate, cost of living was very low and many of the new residents enjoyed the island hop to Cuba for fanfare and gambling. The island’s people fared well, because of the need for added housing and other amenities, especially in Kingston where there was plenty of employment.
Jamaican Jokes: Country Baby Fadah (Father)
A young Jamaican father-to-be living dung inna country awakened the village doctor in the middle of the night saying "Docta! Docta! Come fas! A mi wife sah! Ar water bruk an shi bout fi av di pikni!"....
Newman Thompson - Short story; adopted from the book The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois
In the Jamaican country side that Newman lived, he was known as the village lawyer. Many of the folks in the area affectionately called him Barrister. Some even thought that Barrister was his real name. The judicial court days were always on Wednesdays, and Newman would be in the court room whether he had a trial or not. He was well versed with the British court system in England. He had many run-ins with the law there, and because of his oratory skills and fast talking he had managed to stay a step or two ahead of the authorities.
12 Favorite Jamaican slangs of all time
Every now and then, a catchy slang makes it into the Jamaican language usually spreading in popularity through reggae and dancehall songs. While some may be familiar with the more recent ‘nobody canna cross it’ and ‘A yah so nice’ here are a few Jamaican slangs which were much more than a passing fad. Some like ‘skettel’ and ‘Joe Grind’ are more than 20 years old.
5 Things Jamaicans are afraid of
Most Jamaicans like to act like they’re king of the world, but behind all that bravado, you will find some simple and weird things that they’re afraid of. From people who burn personal items in fear someone might use it to “work necromancy” and stop their progress, to when a ‘moos moos’ (mouse) runs across the floor. These are just a few of the things that can cause a big man to scream like a girl.
5 Things about Jamaica That Drive Us Crazy
Bad roads, government bureaucracy, dirty politicians, shoddy service - there are lots of things about Jamaica that drive us crazy enough to make a good Christian curse. These are just a few hair-raising examples that may draw out a few colourful pieces of fabric.
10 Things Jamaicans Do To Save Money
Jamaicans have always been able to find ingenious ways to save money in harsh economic times. Whether at the supermarket, at work or going about their everyday lives, they come up with their own methods to stretch every dollar and make almost everything last longer. Here are a few...
Jamaican Jokes: Devon and the Beggar
Every morning Devon would drive down Constant Spring Road on his way to work. And every morning he would stop and give the resident beggar man $50. After a while Devon started to give the beggar $30. The beggar, noticing that his money was reduced, was not too pleased, but said nothing...
10 Words Jamaicans Mispronounce
Jamaican patois is a fun, expressive language of which its people are proud. However, mispronunciations are bound to occur given that it is deeply intertwined with the English Language. Here are some common words Jamaicans often mispronounce.
Missed Opportunities - Short story; adopted from the book The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois
Linval Lewis was fifteen years old in nineteen fifty-nine when he seriously began to think about what he wanted to be, or could be as an adult a mere six years away. Prior to that he thought that at age twelve he would be sent off to the Kingston Technical High school like his cousin Donavan and some other boys from his elementary school. He was very disappointed when his father told him that there would be no money for him to attend High School. Elementary School rules did not allow students past the age of fifteen to attend full time. However, they were allowed to attend part-time to study for the Jamaica Local Examinations.
Look like a police or look like a criminal. An intriguing and fascinating story; adopted from the book The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories
A single mother lived in Kingston with three pre-teen children. A boy named Cole twelve, and two girls, one ten and the other eight years old. She became single when her husband of fourteen years left for America on a farm work contract. For the first two months of his absence he sent her money by Western Union. He did not write or telephoned, and she had no way of contacting him.
Jamaican Jokes: We are getting divorced
An elderly Jamaican man in May Pen calls his son, Devon, in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
Barking dog - A short story, adopted from the book ‘The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Alton Daley was eleven years old when his family moved to the other end of his parish, causing him to change schools. He was shy and did not make friends right away. The school-bully was a twelve year old named Lad Wilson. Lad was big for his age, as he was the same size as some fifteen year olds. He immediately noticed Al’s shyness and started to pick on him. Every school day Lad ate Al’s lunch and threatened to beat him up if he mentioned it to anyone.
Mad, and mistaken to be mad. A short story, adopted from the book: The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Two preteen boys, Lon and Ted, were next-door neighbors. They were the closest of friends. They did everything together. They even had slight resemblances of each other, of which, no one could explain, but they didn’t mind and were on many instances mistaken for twins by people who did not know them. Both boys were avid fans of Western style movies and comic books. Sometimes they dressed themselves as the characters and played the parts of Cowboy and Indian.
Jamaican Jokes: Do you know me?
Jamaican lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they're not prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Falmouth small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,
The Preacher from afar. A short story, adopted from the book: The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Clarendon, Manchester and Saint Elizabeth are three neighboring parishes that stretched from near the middle of Jamaica toward the west of the island. During the late fifties and up to the early seventies at least four large Bauxite and Alumina companies built factories in those parishes and processed the bauxite ore and alumina silt for export. Work was plentiful, and men from all over the island flocked to the vicinities in search of employment, to trade, and some even to gamble. Most of those who got employed managed to find temporary housing in the areas and travelled back to their homes elsewhere on weekends.
Jamaican Joke: Jamaicans are no idiots
On a ship an American, an English man, and a Jamaican were sailing. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, "Drop something in the sea; if I find it I will eat you ... If I can't, then I will be your slave!"
Jamaican Joke: Terri and Terry
A Jamaican woman walks into the Halfway Tree social welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. 'Rahtid,' the social worker exclaims, 'are all of dem yours?'
5 Things Jamaicans Hate
Jamaicans like many others cultures have things they hate. They say the British hate hearing butchered American English. They say American hate waiting on the phone for Customer Service. Here are our picks for the top 5 things Jamaicans hate.
What is Fi Yu Cyaa Be Unfi You: What Is For You - Part 27 My last few days in Jamaica flew by. I went to Mandeville for a day to see those grandparents one final time and I spent a day with my grandparents that lived in Kingston as well. That evening, I went over to Adrianne’s house for dinner to say goodbye to that branch of the family too.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” my cousin declared when we were in her room after dinner.
Jamaican Joke: Eight Mad Men
Eight men have been at a mental hospital for a period of time and are being tested to find out how they are progressing in order for them to leave the institution. The doctor in charge takes them all into a room and with a marker draws a door on the wall and asks each one of the patients to find their way out of the room as part of the test.
Top 12 Jamaican Christian Bad Words (Swears Words)
Jamaican patios bad words (swear words) are very colorful and are usually very descriptive of the moment. Over the years Jamaican Christians have come up with their own alternative “colorful “ words to these bad words. Here are our picks for the top 12 Jamaican Christian bad words.
The End Is Near: What Is For You - Part 26 “I can’t believe my year is over,” I proclaimed sorrowfully. Kevin and I were at his mother’s house sitting on the back patio after finishing my absolute last day of school, and I couldn’t have been sadder. I had sought out each of my lecturers that day and thanked them personally for all that I’d learned throughout the year, and they’d all given me words of encouragement. Each of them had seemed really pleased when I told them what my future plans were.
Where I Belonged: What Is For You - Part 25 - Tale of a Jamaican-Canadian student in Jamaica for a one-year exchange program As could be expected, even though we'd talked, or pretended to talk, about the silence between us, that night made things no better. In fact, it made it worse. We went from being too quiet around each other to being incredibly fake and excessively chatty around each other. We would each babble away to each other daily about superficial things, like what we'd seen on television, what we'd eaten for meals, what pieces of gossip were going around campus. Not that we hadn't always talked about that stuff, but before, we'd also talk about our feelings, our thoughts, our emotions..
Jamaican Joke: Where is the Bus Going?
On a bus from Half Way Tree to Red Hills a girl sitting close to me phone rang, she answered, "Barry Honey, I'm in a bus going to Clarendon for the burial...
Dealing With Distance: What Is For You - Part 24 For the rest of the week, I couldn’t stop thinking about my future with Kevin. My remaining time in Jamaica was getting shorter and shorter, and I was dreading the moment when things ended between us. How was he going to end things with me? Would he act like nothing was wrong as he saw me off at the airport, then just never return my calls or emails? Would he sit me down one night and tell me that it had been fun but that it was over? And how would I react? Would I keep my cool, or would I cry and grovel like a fool?
Tears At A Wedding: What is For You - Part 23 The next afternoon, Kevin arrived to pick me up for his cousin’s wedding just seconds after I had finished doing my hair, my final step in getting ready. “You look great, as usual,” he greeted me with a kiss.
Jamaican Nicknames: The Twelve People You Meet On The Way Home from School
My school days at Alpha Academy were the most unforgettable because they were colored by some of the most interesting and memorable characters. On days when I had to stay back for extra –curricular activities , my friends and I would opt to walk home approximately four miles. If it was extremely late and about to get dark, we would take the bus home , however, this activity earned me the nick name of “Madeeks”…Why you may ask?
Duppy know who fi frighten
Memory: days of visiting country, rolling calf, and DUPPY! A brief memory of my journey to the country side from Kingston
Politricks: What Is For You - Part 22 Three weeks after the robbery, I was finally starting to feel less anxious and more like myself again. Miss Bettie’s words had struck a chord with me that evening. Jamaica was a rough place, a hard place, and I didn’t think it was a place that I could live in anymore, but it had still hurt me to hear her suggest I would forget all about it, just like it had hurt me when Adrianne said I wasn’t a Jamaican.
This Cursed Place: What Is For You - Part 21 Adrianne knew how stressed out I had been about the robbery, and how stressed I now was about the Colin phone fiasco, so in spite of being really busy with her internship, she took the time out to come visit me a few days later. I had been lying on my bed, wallowing, so I was delighted when I got the call from the gate saying that she was there. She could always cheer me up. “How yu look like that?” she asked me as soon as she saw me, screwing up her face.
“Is Tessanne Chin really Jamaican” - 5 Things to tell your Non-Jamaican Friends When They Ask
Jamaica’s Tessanne Chin has “wowed” the world, while “tearing” up the competition on The Voice. As a Jamaica living abroad your non-Jamaican friends and co-workers are now going to ask questions. It is the typical questions you hear when their perception of what a Jamaican should look like is challenged. Here are some examples of the questions your will be asked: “Tessanne Chin does not look Jamaican. Are there really Asians in Jamaica?” “Where did the Asians in Jamaica come from?” “Are there other Chinese entertainers in Jamaica?” “Why do you call Tessane a Chiney girl?”. Well we have prepared 5 great responses that will make this a teachable moment on Jamaica and our diversity.
Jamaican Street Dance History
Jamaica's street dance culture dates back to the late 50's early 60's. In anticipation of Jamaica gaining independence from Britain, the late 50's brought about a new found spirit of nationalism. Inspired by this, local jazz musician and pioneering producer "Coxsone" Dodd was driven to create a uniquely Jamaican dance sound. This music was called Ska and fused American jazz and R&B with Jamaican mento, and featured a strong bass and drum rhythm section, guitars, keyboards and brass. Rocksteady, and later, reggae eventually evolved from ska in the late 1960's.
Thea's Jamaican Childhood : Short Cut Draw Blood
Growing up in Jamaica as a youngster can be a wonderful experience yet challenging. Step into the lives of Mich and Nicky as they explore both the good, bad, and the ugly as two adventurous 11 year old girls. But their innocence was almost snatched away by a perverted man when the girls decided to take a short-cut home…Read on…
The Night Everything Changed: What Is For You - Part 20 “Hi! Where are you off to this evening?” asked Arlene from my doorway. She had just come home from visiting a friend on Irvine Hall and when passing my room, had been surprised to see me all dressed up and putting make-up on. I had told her earlier I had no Friday night plans since Kevin was studying and I wanted to take a break from doing work. “What hot date you and your man have tonight?”
Thea's Jamaican Childhood - Granny wid de magnet
RIP Granny Ivy (1919-2011) was a wonderful lady who was serious about her garden among other things. Take a brief path down memory lane of Sunday evenings of men playing soccer but not so easy if the ball landed in my grand-mother's garden...
Feeling At Home: What Is For You - Part 19 It seemed like the year was getting off to a good start for everybody in the romance department! Adrianne had met a guy at Kevin's party that she'd had some good dates with, and even Jomo and Arlene had started spending more time together recently. I was sure one of them would make a move soon enough.
Jamaican Joke: Old Age
During a visit to a Jamaican doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old-age home?"