Look like a police or look like a criminal. An intriguing and fascinating story; adopted from the book The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories
A single mother lived in Kingston with three pre-teen children. A boy named Cole twelve, and two girls, one ten and the other eight years old. She became single when her husband of fourteen years left for America on a farm work contract. For the first two months of his absence he sent her money by Western Union. He did not write or telephoned, and she had no way of contacting him.
Jamaican Jokes: We are getting divorced
An elderly Jamaican man in May Pen calls his son, Devon, in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
Barking dog - A short story, adopted from the book ‘The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Alton Daley was eleven years old when his family moved to the other end of his parish, causing him to change schools. He was shy and did not make friends right away. The school-bully was a twelve year old named Lad Wilson. Lad was big for his age, as he was the same size as some fifteen year olds. He immediately noticed Al’s shyness and started to pick on him. Every school day Lad ate Al’s lunch and threatened to beat him up if he mentioned it to anyone.
Mad, and mistaken to be mad. A short story, adopted from the book: The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Two preteen boys, Lon and Ted, were next-door neighbors. They were the closest of friends. They did everything together. They even had slight resemblances of each other, of which, no one could explain, but they didn’t mind and were on many instances mistaken for twins by people who did not know them. Both boys were avid fans of Western style movies and comic books. Sometimes they dressed themselves as the characters and played the parts of Cowboy and Indian.
Jamaican Jokes: Do you know me?
Jamaican lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they're not prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Falmouth small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,
The Preacher from afar. A short story, adopted from the book: The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Clarendon, Manchester and Saint Elizabeth are three neighboring parishes that stretched from near the middle of Jamaica toward the west of the island. During the late fifties and up to the early seventies at least four large Bauxite and Alumina companies built factories in those parishes and processed the bauxite ore and alumina silt for export. Work was plentiful, and men from all over the island flocked to the vicinities in search of employment, to trade, and some even to gamble. Most of those who got employed managed to find temporary housing in the areas and travelled back to their homes elsewhere on weekends.
Jamaican Joke: Jamaicans are no idiots
On a ship an American, an English man, and a Jamaican were sailing. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, "Drop something in the sea; if I find it I will eat you ... If I can't, then I will be your slave!"
Jamaican Joke: Terri and Terry
A Jamaican woman walks into the Halfway Tree social welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. 'Rahtid,' the social worker exclaims, 'are all of dem yours?'
5 Things Jamaicans Hate
Jamaicans like many others cultures have things they hate. They say the British hate hearing butchered American English. They say American hate waiting on the phone for Customer Service. Here are our picks for the top 5 things Jamaicans hate.
What is Fi Yu Cyaa Be Unfi You: What Is For You - Part 27 My last few days in Jamaica flew by. I went to Mandeville for a day to see those grandparents one final time and I spent a day with my grandparents that lived in Kingston as well. That evening, I went over to Adrianne’s house for dinner to say goodbye to that branch of the family too.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” my cousin declared when we were in her room after dinner.
Jamaican Joke: Eight Mad Men
Eight men have been at a mental hospital for a period of time and are being tested to find out how they are progressing in order for them to leave the institution. The doctor in charge takes them all into a room and with a marker draws a door on the wall and asks each one of the patients to find their way out of the room as part of the test.
Top 12 Jamaican Christian Bad Words (Swears Words)
Jamaican patios bad words (swear words) are very colorful and are usually very descriptive of the moment. Over the years Jamaican Christians have come up with their own alternative “colorful “ words to these bad words. Here are our picks for the top 12 Jamaican Christian bad words.
The End Is Near: What Is For You - Part 26 “I can’t believe my year is over,” I proclaimed sorrowfully. Kevin and I were at his mother’s house sitting on the back patio after finishing my absolute last day of school, and I couldn’t have been sadder. I had sought out each of my lecturers that day and thanked them personally for all that I’d learned throughout the year, and they’d all given me words of encouragement. Each of them had seemed really pleased when I told them what my future plans were.
Where I Belonged: What Is For You - Part 25 - Tale of a Jamaican-Canadian student in Jamaica for a one-year exchange program As could be expected, even though we'd talked, or pretended to talk, about the silence between us, that night made things no better. In fact, it made it worse. We went from being too quiet around each other to being incredibly fake and excessively chatty around each other. We would each babble away to each other daily about superficial things, like what we'd seen on television, what we'd eaten for meals, what pieces of gossip were going around campus. Not that we hadn't always talked about that stuff, but before, we'd also talk about our feelings, our thoughts, our emotions..
Jamaican Joke: Where is the Bus Going?
On a bus from Half Way Tree to Red Hills a girl sitting close to me phone rang, she answered, "Barry Honey, I'm in a bus going to Clarendon for the burial...
Dealing With Distance: What Is For You - Part 24 For the rest of the week, I couldn’t stop thinking about my future with Kevin. My remaining time in Jamaica was getting shorter and shorter, and I was dreading the moment when things ended between us. How was he going to end things with me? Would he act like nothing was wrong as he saw me off at the airport, then just never return my calls or emails? Would he sit me down one night and tell me that it had been fun but that it was over? And how would I react? Would I keep my cool, or would I cry and grovel like a fool?
Tears At A Wedding: What is For You - Part 23 The next afternoon, Kevin arrived to pick me up for his cousin’s wedding just seconds after I had finished doing my hair, my final step in getting ready. “You look great, as usual,” he greeted me with a kiss.
Jamaican Nicknames: The Twelve People You Meet On The Way Home from School
My school days at Alpha Academy were the most unforgettable because they were colored by some of the most interesting and memorable characters. On days when I had to stay back for extra –curricular activities , my friends and I would opt to walk home approximately four miles. If it was extremely late and about to get dark, we would take the bus home , however, this activity earned me the nick name of “Madeeks”…Why you may ask?
Duppy know who fi frighten
Memory: days of visiting country, rolling calf, and DUPPY! A brief memory of my journey to the country side from Kingston
Politricks: What Is For You - Part 22 Three weeks after the robbery, I was finally starting to feel less anxious and more like myself again. Miss Bettie’s words had struck a chord with me that evening. Jamaica was a rough place, a hard place, and I didn’t think it was a place that I could live in anymore, but it had still hurt me to hear her suggest I would forget all about it, just like it had hurt me when Adrianne said I wasn’t a Jamaican.
This Cursed Place: What Is For You - Part 21 Adrianne knew how stressed out I had been about the robbery, and how stressed I now was about the Colin phone fiasco, so in spite of being really busy with her internship, she took the time out to come visit me a few days later. I had been lying on my bed, wallowing, so I was delighted when I got the call from the gate saying that she was there. She could always cheer me up. “How yu look like that?” she asked me as soon as she saw me, screwing up her face.
“Is Tessanne Chin really Jamaican” - 5 Things to tell your Non-Jamaican Friends When They Ask
Jamaica’s Tessanne Chin has “wowed” the world, while “tearing” up the competition on The Voice. As a Jamaica living abroad your non-Jamaican friends and co-workers are now going to ask questions. It is the typical questions you hear when their perception of what a Jamaican should look like is challenged. Here are some examples of the questions your will be asked: “Tessanne Chin does not look Jamaican. Are there really Asians in Jamaica?” “Where did the Asians in Jamaica come from?” “Are there other Chinese entertainers in Jamaica?” “Why do you call Tessane a Chiney girl?”. Well we have prepared 5 great responses that will make this a teachable moment on Jamaica and our diversity.
Jamaican Street Dance History
Jamaica's street dance culture dates back to the late 50's early 60's. In anticipation of Jamaica gaining independence from Britain, the late 50's brought about a new found spirit of nationalism. Inspired by this, local jazz musician and pioneering producer "Coxsone" Dodd was driven to create a uniquely Jamaican dance sound. This music was called Ska and fused American jazz and R&B with Jamaican mento, and featured a strong bass and drum rhythm section, guitars, keyboards and brass. Rocksteady, and later, reggae eventually evolved from ska in the late 1960's.
Thea's Jamaican Childhood : Short Cut Draw Blood
Growing up in Jamaica as a youngster can be a wonderful experience yet challenging. Step into the lives of Mich and Nicky as they explore both the good, bad, and the ugly as two adventurous 11 year old girls. But their innocence was almost snatched away by a perverted man when the girls decided to take a short-cut home…Read on…
The Night Everything Changed: What Is For You - Part 20 “Hi! Where are you off to this evening?” asked Arlene from my doorway. She had just come home from visiting a friend on Irvine Hall and when passing my room, had been surprised to see me all dressed up and putting make-up on. I had told her earlier I had no Friday night plans since Kevin was studying and I wanted to take a break from doing work. “What hot date you and your man have tonight?”
Thea's Jamaican Childhood - Granny wid de magnet
RIP Granny Ivy (1919-2011) was a wonderful lady who was serious about her garden among other things. Take a brief path down memory lane of Sunday evenings of men playing soccer but not so easy if the ball landed in my grand-mother's garden...
Feeling At Home: What Is For You - Part 19 It seemed like the year was getting off to a good start for everybody in the romance department! Adrianne had met a guy at Kevin's party that she'd had some good dates with, and even Jomo and Arlene had started spending more time together recently. I was sure one of them would make a move soon enough.
Jamaican Joke: Old Age
During a visit to a Jamaican doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old-age home?"
Jamaican Joke: Him ago live long!
A group of Jamaican people were in church for a 10 o'clock funeral. Up till 2:30 di body hadn't arrive and mourners starts to vent their anger.
Romance All Round: What Is For You - Part 18
The ongoing story of Jamaican-Canadian, Nadiya Foster, and her year at UWI.
Top 12 Jamaican festival songs in the past 51 years
Jamaican festival songs can take many forms, from call to actions, celebration of Jamaica’s achievements, Jamaican culture, Jamaican food and current events. Going through the list of songs
and narrowing it down to 12 was a challenge for our editorial team. On this list, you'll find songs that we believe have a strong message celebrating Jamaica’s Independence. So here is our list top 12 Jamaican festival songs about our beautiful country...Jamaica.
Top 20 Names You Know Are Jamaican Men
If you live outside of Jamaica there are certain names you hear and you know that person has to be Jamaican or of Jamaican descent. We have compiled a list of the top names that probably says they are Jamaica or of Jamaican descent.
The Truth Comes Out: What Is For You - Part 17
The truth finally comes out in the ongoing saga of Nadiya Foster. “So here it is. Kevin and I have been best friends since we were little children, so he confides in me a lot of things that he wouldn’t tell to anybody else. And normally, I wouldn’t break his confidence but I think this is just getting ridiculous and you need to know.” She took a deep breath. “He really, really likes you, Nadiya. More than I’ve ever seen him like a girl before. That first time I met you, in the shoe store, and invited you to the beach?
4 Jamaican Jokes: "Blind man", "Mosquitoes", "Jamaican on the sun", and "Sugar FREE"
Some American soldiers were having a training session with some Jamaican soldiers at Twickenham park in St. Catherine. At the end of the day they all gathered in their tents to relax. However that wouldn't happen because the mosquitoes wouldn't give them a chance. They tried everything to get rid of the mosquitoes but all failed.
New Year's Eve: What Is For You - Part 16 When New Year's Eve rolled around, the day of the party, I started to get ready from early in the morning. My father had been baffled but I'd explained to him that going to a formal event, at least for women, was an all-day process. I went to the salon in the morning for a shampoo and blow-dry, a manicure and a pedicure. Adrianne and I had gone early hoping to avoid a crowd, but it seemed that every other female in Kingston had the same idea, and that we all shared the same salon. The place felt as crowded as a popular nightclub.
3 Jamaican Jokes: "A Slow Boat", "HiJack" and "Magic Trick"
One day, an ant, a butterfly and a snail were hungry and decided to run a boat. So ant said to butterfly,"go fly out some food dung a di shap nuh" butterfly said," mi too tired"
Pantomime: What Is For You - Part 15 by Aisha Scales The next week with my parents absolutely flew by. The three of us were constantly on the go, going from one end of Kingston to the other. We went to Lime Cay for a day and to Gloria’s in Port Royal for dinner, went up to campus to look at my parents’ old stomping grounds and my current ones, and visited what seemed like an endless number of family and friends. Mummy and I also found time to go shopping for my New Year’s Eve dress. The one we found was absolutely gorgeous and I couldn’t wait to wear it. I tried not to wonder what Kevin would think of it, and tried to ignore my mother’s incessant chatter in my ear after we'd bought it, telling me that he would surely leave his girlfriend to be with me once he saw me in it.
Christmas in Jamaica: What Is For You - Part 14 After we had finished our meals (and I had gotten my Devon Stout ice cream), we decided it was time to call it a night. My parents were exhausted; their long day had finally caught up with them and they were ready to get some sleep. Adrianne was the only one who still had energy, probably because of the invigoration of her announcement, and the positive reaction that I envied her for. She had one of her friends pick her up right from Devon House so that she could go out for a few more hours.
The Big Announcement: What Is For You - Part 13 For the rest of that night, I could barely contain myself. The upcoming dinner was the only thing that I could think about. I was dying to tell Adrianne what I was going to say the next night, but I stopped myself. No, it will be more fun if I tell everyone at once. They're all going to be so excited!
Jamaican Joke: Hair Cut
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.