I had a picture of Rosa on a chain that hung on my rear view mirror.

“My girl friend,” I replied.

“Oh! She is very pretty” she replied.

It is good to hear your girlfriend is pretty from another girl. I find some women have a hard time compliment another woman. They are normally criticizing them for something.

“Is she the one you were talking about not knowing what she wants” she asked.

I was a little hesitant with my answer. It was nice talking to Tami about Rosa when she was faceless. I was also vague. Now that she knows what Rosa looks like it felt very personal.

“Yuh ask too much questions” I responded with a smile.

 “Do you love her?” she asked.

It was a strange question that caught me off guard. For some reason I paused.

“Sure…Yes,” I replied. I realized that it did not sound convincing.

“Yes I do love her,” I needed to make it a firm statement and not give the impression I was wavering. I did not want anything to mess with my plans to marry Rosa.

“Okay. The reason I asked is you never mentioned her by name and she is such a pretty girl”

“Why are you interrogating me?” I was getting defensive.

“Turn there” she stated “the house is the second one on the right”

Perfect timing, I thought to myself. The conversation was getting uncomfortable.

 The walk way to the house she lived in was dark so I got out the car and walked her to the door. I really did not want to do that but I remember mother telling me to treat a lady like a queen no matter who it is.

When she got to the door she turned and hugged me and whispered “Thanks”

It was weird because she was positioned as a lady waiting for a kiss. Her eyes were closed and lips ready. I hugged her and quickly left.

That whole incident left me feeling awkward. I was not sure if she wanted to be more than friends. She knew I had a girlfriend so why would she “pucker” up for a kiss. Maybe I am reading too much into it. I forgot about it that day.

I soon realized that she was becoming friendlier. I did not try to stop the friendship from growing became I needed someone to talk to. What was great about the friendship was we were able to talk “patwa” and about Jamaica. I could not do this with Rosa and when I did it because frustrating as I tried to explain what it meant in English. I found myself looking forward to our “little meetings”. We seem to have breaks at the same times on the days she worked. We would sit and chat in the break room. There were also days I would go for a “run” at a near by Jamaican restaurant called Aunt I’s. It was 10 minutes away so I would pick up food and bring back. Things were going great with our friendship in my mind. I wanted nothing but that. I guess it was not clear in Tami’s mind.

It started with some slight hints and then more obvious hints. One day I was taking her home and playing some dancehall music. She started to talk about one of the songs where the DJ was “chanting” about sex. She started to talk about some of her sexual experience. It was very awkward but it was interesting so I let her continue.

I should not have done that.

Then she started to touch me more when we would meet in the break room and hugged me tighter when I dropped her home. It was obvious to some of my co workers. One mentioned, “She is in love with you”

That was the final straw.

I had to stop it even though I enjoyed the friendship, especially being that she was a fellow Jamaican. She was attractive but I was not attracted to her. I could follow Ritchie’s old motto which was sleep with ‘them’ then break their heart but I did not want to hurt her.

I have not had a lot of good “breaks” recently but one happened. It was the perfect opportunity to slow this friendship down. Being that I was not out of school I had more flexibility to work different hours. The manger wanted me on the early morning shift. I would barley see her and I would have the afternoons off. I could spend more time with Rosa. I felt like I was cheating on Rosa and have to give her more time. I started the new schedule that week. I barley saw Tami and when I did she was coming to work and I was leaving.

One day she backed me up in the lunch room with a letter.

“Please read this and call me if you feel like it”

I knew what the letter said. I a part of me wanted to read it and the other part of me did not.

At first I thought I would take it home and read it. Then I remember that I could not. Rosa was back to the routine of cooking for me before I got home. As beautiful as Rosa was she was very jealous and insecure.

I needed sometime before I read it. I had to hide it. I put it in the car under the driver’s side car mat. I would read it soon.

That night my dreams changed from immigration to Tami telling me how much she loved me. I welcome the change of dreams but would this be my new nightmare?

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