Flying Fears - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 91 As an illegal alien I had developed some different fears because of my situation.  My greatest fear was being deported.  It was not the embarrassment of being sent back to Jamaica and never being able to come back. I feared losing all I had built here and also the deportation process. I heard the horror stories of Krome detention center where illegal aliens are sent before being deported. 

3 Jamaican Jokes: "A Slow Boat", "HiJack" and "Magic Trick" One day, an ant, a butterfly and a snail were hungry and decided to run a boat. So ant said to butterfly,"go fly out some food dung a di shap nuh" butterfly said," mi too tired"

Pantomime: What Is For You - Part 15 by Aisha Scales The next week with my parents absolutely flew by. The three of us were constantly on the go, going from one end of Kingston to the other. We went to Lime Cay for a day and to Gloria’s in Port Royal for dinner, went up to campus to look at my parents’ old stomping grounds and my current ones, and visited what seemed like an endless number of family and friends.  Mummy and I also found time to go shopping for my New Year’s Eve dress. The one we found was absolutely gorgeous and I couldn’t wait to wear it. I tried not to wonder what Kevin would think of it, and tried to ignore my mother’s incessant chatter in my ear after we'd bought it, telling me that he would surely leave his girlfriend to be with me once he saw me in it.

Everyone loves an Opportunity…right!!! - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 90 The one thing I learned from being an illegal alien is that if you work hard, opportunities are always there when no one knows your situation. Also, people will take advantage of you being an illegal alien desperate for a green card.

LIVE BROADCAST: A Rasta to marry John Boehner's daughter – Reactions from the streets of Jamaica Boardlane TV has learned that House Speaker John Boehner’s 35 year old daughter, Lindsay Boehner, is set to marry Jamaican-born Rastafarian, Dominic Lakhan. Reports are that Speaker Boehner is not happy about his daughter’s choice for a fiancée. But how do Jamaicans feel about this union? Boardlane TV took to the streets to gauge reactions.

Granny Gheeta's Views on Sparing The Rod & Spoiling The Child Granny Gheeta was a stern disciplinarian, however, she was a wizard at doling out her affections and  reprimands at the same time. Granny would often scold you dreadfully one minute and the next, she would be indulging your ever wish and desire. Then, she would justify her actions by saying, “ I love you that is why I scold you and to show you that there aren’t any bad feelings being  harbored, I am sprinkling the unkind words with  bits of sugar.”

Love or Green Card? - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 89 Donesha's wedding was one of the most interesting I had ever attended. I did not attend a lot of weddings while growing up in Jamaica. I remember them saying wedding are for “big people”. However the ones I attending or saw on TV was nothing like this.

Christmas in Jamaica: What Is For You - Part 14 After we had finished our meals (and I had gotten my Devon Stout ice cream), we decided it was time to call it a night. My parents were exhausted; their long day had finally caught up with them and they were ready to get some sleep. Adrianne was the only one who still had energy, probably because of the invigoration of her announcement, and the positive reaction that I envied her for. She had one of her friends pick her up right from Devon House so that she could go out for a few more hours.

The Barrel From "Farin" (Foreign) The ritual of sending a barrel from foreign has been a long standing tradition in Jamaica. Most Jamaicans dream of migrating to abroad so they can have the privilege of sending foreign goods and difficult to obtain items home.

Ms. Dulcie Sey: “Thou Shall Not Covet Dy Neighbor’s Wife!” My wife and I recently moved to a new town because my company relocated. The relocation was  an alternative to downsizing. Therefore my company opted to save tax dollars by changing cities.  Prior to moving to Oregon, I kept my marriage and private life “under wraps”. No one had met my wife, Selena until we moved to Portland. But, since the company paid to relocate us, it feels as if it has given people a free pass to invade our private lives. We are trying to get acclimated to the environment, but recent events have made it very difficult.

The Cuban Plan - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 88 A month after Amber left I was due for another visitor.  My mother called to let me know my father was coming to Miami on business for 5 days. He would be attending a business conference at the Miami Beach Convention Center.   Even though I felt really badly about my father's new alleged round of cheating, I was excited to see him. I missed my family. I missed Jamaica. Family visiting always brings back some great memories of Jamaica.

The Jamaican Bobsled Team No one has ever doubted Jamaica’s ability to field world-class athletes, but the names of Devon Harris, Dudley Stokes, Michael White and Nelson Stokes have gone down in the annals of sports history as icons of determination and inspiration. The four men came to international prominence as the founders of the first Jamaican Bobsled Team, making their first ever debut in the 1988 Winter Olympics.

Ms. Dulcie Sey: “Yu Granpickney is no debil” Cheerio Hevryone! Ow iz uno hall copin wid de Holiday rush? Lorks, me hiz hall chrimassed out because me a go a Hengland soon fi see likkle Precious mi granbebe. Me tink sey me a go need fi get wan separate Jet Liner fi bring de sinthing dem to Hingrid an ar fambly…….Hoops! mi sey fambly…Yes mi dears, Ms. Hingrid she haf wan new bwoyfren name Hans from Sveden…Drama, drama an more drama, but dat is far anedder time.

Granny I Talk about Babysitters In Jamaica parents take their job of parenting their children seriously. Jamaican women would much rather stay at home and raise, normal, healthy well-adjusted children as opposed to rearing monstrous ragamuffins. While Jamaican fathers relish the idea of being sole providers for their household, ensuring that their family is properly provided for and fortified.

Grammy’s Bob Marley Tribute: Jamaicans React. (Jamaican Spoof) The 55th Annual Grammys paid tribute to Bob Marley on Sunday with a segment featuring Rihanna, Sting, Bruno Mars, and the late reggae icon’s sons Ziggy and Damian. What was a well-anticipated event from viewers all over the world, including Jamaicans; Boardlane TV gets feedback from Jamaicans living in the Atlanta area.

Amber Alert Part 2 - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 87 Could I marry Amber? That was the question that came to my mind as I drove away from the airport. I stared at the envelope Amber gave me. It was  beside me in the passenger seat. I could not wait to open it, but  would do it when I got home.  I was in love again. Amber was  wife material. We only spent a few hours but this felt right.  I could see myself with her. She was not a diva like Rosa.

The Big Announcement: What Is For You - Part 13 For the rest of that night, I could barely contain myself. The upcoming dinner was the only thing that I could think about. I was dying to tell Adrianne what I was going to say the next night, but I stopped myself. No, it will be more fun if I tell everyone at once. They're all going to be so excited!

Volkswagen Super Bowl AD: Live from Negril (Jamaican Sketch) Boarldlane TV reporting live from the beaches of Negril, where we are here to get the reactions of Jamaicans on the controversial Volkswagen ad that has been causing a stir in the U.S. Some  critics have described the pregame Super Bowl ad from Volkswagen of America as offensive and culturally insensitive. Some will say, it depends who you talk to, so let us find out how these folks in tourist town, feel about it. 

Ms. Dulcie Sey: "What a Bam Bam wid de TSAS!" Frens, fambly an distinguished peoples, ow iz uno hall doin dem ya dawg dayz ere? Tings haad hall ova de wul fi hevrywan, an it nuh sim like anyting a get betta.Owever, iz nat de inflaccion dat gat peoples dung, iz de presant sitiation of de way odder uman beins is treatin dem fello citizens. Me sey, me get bout a dozen letta de odder day 'bout de way de peple dem feel wen dem a travel.

Granny Story: My Friend Lurlie Lemple We all have friends that come into our lives for short periods of time, however, they manage to leave indelible impressions on our minds. Such was the situation with a girl I met in Prep School. Her name was Lurlie Temple.

Jamaican Joke: Hair Cut One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

Amber Alert - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 86 Seth called two weeks before he left for Jamaica. He wanted to remind me to get his parents at the airport as they had a connecting overnight flight from Miami to Jamaica. They would also do a connecting flight from Miami back to Kentucky on their way back from the wedding. He joked about missing me at the wedding especially at the bachelor party.

Jamaican Joke: Horse named Holly One night a man was was relaxing watching TVJ when out of the kitchen came his wife with a pan -BOOF!- "a who name Holly?" asked the wife. "Mi jus see a paper eena yuh pocket wid di name 'Holly' pon it, WHO IS SHE?".

Jamaica National Song - “I Pledge My Heart" Growing up in Jamaica children had to learn the National Song for schools, “I Pledge My Heart".  It would be sung at the beginning of the school day at devotions or before students when to class. In many cases the Jamaican Anthem was sung first and then the song “I Pledge My Heart".

Jamaican Joke: The Bank Loan An Jamaican man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Jamaica on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

Christmas Time Come: What Is For You - Part 12 Sunday morning, as I lay in bed, I thought back on the night before. Pretty good night overall, I thought with a grin. I had spent a lot of time with Gary, who fortunately hadn’t asked me any questions about Kevin, and had a good time with him, but eventually Kim and Arlene had dragged me away. While I was off with them, yet another guy, a very good-looking young businessman named Mark, had approached me. He was a recent grad of a university in Florida, and now had what sounded like a pretty high-powered job with one of the local rum companies.

Christmas in Jamaica It Christmas time again and there is nothing like a Jamaican Christmas. Check out our Christmas recipes including Jamaican fruit cake, red sorrel and white sorrel. We also have some great  articles, poems and music on Christmas in Jamaica.

Jamaican Christmas Recipes Check out our Christmas recipes including Jamaican fruit cake, rum punch red sorrel and white sorrel. Impress your guests with these Jamaican Christmas recipes.

Jamaican Joke: Round of Drinks at the Bar A Jamaican guy walks into a bar and shouts, "When Mi drink, Everybadi drink!". Everybody is cheering him and applauding like crazy.

Video: Reggae Christmas Songs Jamaican vocalist Karen Smith and violinist John Williams perform Christmas songs Jamaican style. Watch and enjoy.

Guinep: What Is For You - Part 11 The next couple of weeks passed by fairly uneventfully for me. Omar and I went to the library together once to study, but that was the only time that we spent together in those two weeks. He’d called me asking to go out on various dates, for lunch, for dinner, to the movies, but I would always turn him down. After a few occasions like that, I could tell that he was gracefully taking the hint. He still called me often, just to chat, but he eventually stopped asking me to go out.

Granny Story: “The Sweetest Housewife” Granny Gheeta had an inherent gift to making people feel at ease or better about their circumstances in life by the stories she told. It always seemed as if Granny had a story to match whatever circumstance one was facing in life.

Confessions...A Rough Road - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 85 Seth had just come back from Jamaica and called to discuss the wedding. I could not bring myself to tell him I was not going to be his best man. I lied. ”Give me the details as we get closer”, I told him.

Still A Foreigner: What Is For You - Part 10 Part 10 of the ongoing tale of Jamaican-Canadian Nadiya Foster and her year at UWI...I lay around in bed for almost an hour after I woke up on Sunday, and probably would have stayed there even longer if Cassandra hadn’t come knocking on my door. “Good morning, sleepy head,” she said after I had opened the door to let her in. “Time to get up. Arlene and I are going to the library, yu wan’ come?”