Look like a police or look like a criminal. An intriguing and fascinating story; adopted from the book The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories
A single mother lived in Kingston with three pre-teen children. A boy named Cole twelve, and two girls, one ten and the other eight years old. She became single when her husband of fourteen years left for America on a farm work contract. For the first two months of his absence he sent her money by Western Union. He did not write or telephoned, and she had no way of contacting him.
Is it really cheating? - Memoirs of An Illegal Alien Part 103
Jerome was the new pharmacy manager at the store. He was half Puerto Rican and half Dominican, tall and in his early 40's. He and I got along well. He was married to a Jamaican lady of East Indian descent. He would call her his “coolie Jamaican wife” jokingly. I had stopped using the word coolie when I learned it was a derogatory word
in some countries.
BOARDLANE TV: Jamaicans Grieve Over Brazil’s Crushing Defeat. (Funny Spoof)
Hello there World Cup fans. As we now know Brazil is reeling from a crushing seven to one defeat handed down by the Germans in what most are calling a shocker of epic proportion. Some Jamaicans are die-heart fans of the Brazil football club and are not happy with the defeat. Boardlane TV news is here in the Mall Plaza to learn just how unhappy these fans are. Let me begin with this T-shirt vendor. Miss, give us your take on the Brazil loss.
Jamaican Jokes: We are getting divorced
An elderly Jamaican man in May Pen calls his son, Devon, in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
Barking dog - A short story, adopted from the book ‘The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Alton Daley was eleven years old when his family moved to the other end of his parish, causing him to change schools. He was shy and did not make friends right away. The school-bully was a twelve year old named Lad Wilson. Lad was big for his age, as he was the same size as some fifteen year olds. He immediately noticed Al’s shyness and started to pick on him. Every school day Lad ate Al’s lunch and threatened to beat him up if he mentioned it to anyone.
Red Bull & Pepper In She Panty - Memoirs of An Illegal Alien Part 102
Nicola Roche, was making my life very complicated. She was not the "last hurray" before I got married. Nicole was more that a fling in my life. I was in love with her.
Mad, and mistaken to be mad. A short story, adopted from the book: The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Two preteen boys, Lon and Ted, were next-door neighbors. They were the closest of friends. They did everything together. They even had slight resemblances of each other, of which, no one could explain, but they didn’t mind and were on many instances mistaken for twins by people who did not know them. Both boys were avid fans of Western style movies and comic books. Sometimes they dressed themselves as the characters and played the parts of Cowboy and Indian.
Jamaican Jokes: Do you know me?
Jamaican lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they're not prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Falmouth small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,
The Preacher from afar. A short story, adopted from the book: The ORIGINAL JAMAICAN Patois: Words, Phrases and Short Stories’
Clarendon, Manchester and Saint Elizabeth are three neighboring parishes that stretched from near the middle of Jamaica toward the west of the island. During the late fifties and up to the early seventies at least four large Bauxite and Alumina companies built factories in those parishes and processed the bauxite ore and alumina silt for export. Work was plentiful, and men from all over the island flocked to the vicinities in search of employment, to trade, and some even to gamble. Most of those who got employed managed to find temporary housing in the areas and travelled back to their homes elsewhere on weekends.
Jamaican Joke: Jamaicans are no idiots
On a ship an American, an English man, and a Jamaican were sailing. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, "Drop something in the sea; if I find it I will eat you ... If I can't, then I will be your slave!"
I think I am in love - Memoirs of An Illegal Alien Part 101
Nicola Roche had it all. She was beautiful. She had great personality. She had a great body. She was very smart. She looked like a "mix" between Lisa Hanna the (last Jamaican to win Miss World) and actress Halle Berry. In fact she had entered Miss Jamaica and was the first runner up (2nd place). She was 22 years old but was very mature. She knew what she wanted in life. She was wife material. I kept thinking “Why did I not meet her before committing myself to the business marriage”?
Jamaican Joke: Terri and Terry
A Jamaican woman walks into the Halfway Tree social welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. 'Rahtid,' the social worker exclaims, 'are all of dem yours?'
5 Things Jamaicans Hate
Jamaicans like many others cultures have things they hate. They say the British hate hearing butchered American English. They say American hate waiting on the phone for Customer Service. Here are our picks for the top 5 things Jamaicans hate.
What is Fi Yu Cyaa Be Unfi You: What Is For You - Part 27 My last few days in Jamaica flew by. I went to Mandeville for a day to see those grandparents one final time and I spent a day with my grandparents that lived in Kingston as well. That evening, I went over to Adrianne’s house for dinner to say goodbye to that branch of the family too.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” my cousin declared when we were in her room after dinner.
Jamaican Joke: Eight Mad Men
Eight men have been at a mental hospital for a period of time and are being tested to find out how they are progressing in order for them to leave the institution. The doctor in charge takes them all into a room and with a marker draws a door on the wall and asks each one of the patients to find their way out of the room as part of the test.
Top 12 Jamaican Christian Bad Words (Swears Words)
Jamaican patios bad words (swear words) are very colorful and are usually very descriptive of the moment. Over the years Jamaican Christians have come up with their own alternative “colorful “ words to these bad words. Here are our picks for the top 12 Jamaican Christian bad words.
Try Walking In My Shoes – Memoirs of An Illegal Alien Part 100
The conversation with Rosa did not go well. Not only was I resentful that my mother asked her to talk me about my business marriage, but I still had some “pent up” anger about how our relationship ended. I could have married her for love and we would not be having this conversation. She had no right to try and talk me out of this. My mother had no right to bring her into this.
The End Is Near: What Is For You - Part 26 “I can’t believe my year is over,” I proclaimed sorrowfully. Kevin and I were at his mother’s house sitting on the back patio after finishing my absolute last day of school, and I couldn’t have been sadder. I had sought out each of my lecturers that day and thanked them personally for all that I’d learned throughout the year, and they’d all given me words of encouragement. Each of them had seemed really pleased when I told them what my future plans were.
BOARDLANE TV: Kartel Sentenced – Reactions From Jamaicans (Spoof)
Good day ladies and gentlemen. Bordlane TV news has just learned that Adidja ‘Vybz Kartel’ Palmer and his three co-accused were just sentenced to life in prison for the murder of Clive ‘Lizard’ Williams. Some Jamaicans are vividly upset with the verdict while some camps believe the verdict was just. I have a young man standing next to me who says he is a supporter of the dancehall DJ and he has something to say about the verdict. Go ahead, young man...
3 New Poems
We added 3 new poems by Maxine Foster: Kymani Marley, The Lover of My Life and I Am Ascending.
Where I Belonged: What Is For You - Part 25 - Tale of a Jamaican-Canadian student in Jamaica for a one-year exchange program As could be expected, even though we'd talked, or pretended to talk, about the silence between us, that night made things no better. In fact, it made it worse. We went from being too quiet around each other to being incredibly fake and excessively chatty around each other. We would each babble away to each other daily about superficial things, like what we'd seen on television, what we'd eaten for meals, what pieces of gossip were going around campus. Not that we hadn't always talked about that stuff, but before, we'd also talk about our feelings, our thoughts, our emotions..
Pre-Business Marriage Communication Problems – Memoirs of An Illegal Alien Part 99
Everything was coming together. I let Genie out the lease only taking 50% of the penalty. I needed her at the wedding so I was very lenient. Juliet moved in a week after Geanie left. She did not have a lot as she had sold some of her items before moving. The arrangement was great. We stayed out of each other's way like roommates. We talked mainly in the evenings as she was a night owl when it came to studying. With Juliet now living with me, the next step was to call my family and tell them the news.
5 New Poems
We added 4 new poems by Maxine Foster: He Promise, Empress , Folk Song, I Am Love,I Love HIM- The Most High God, and Just Like My Father.
Jamaican Joke: Where is the Bus Going?
On a bus from Half Way Tree to Red Hills a girl sitting close to me phone rang, she answered, "Barry Honey, I'm in a bus going to Clarendon for the burial...
Dealing With Distance: What Is For You - Part 24 For the rest of the week, I couldn’t stop thinking about my future with Kevin. My remaining time in Jamaica was getting shorter and shorter, and I was dreading the moment when things ended between us. How was he going to end things with me? Would he act like nothing was wrong as he saw me off at the airport, then just never return my calls or emails? Would he sit me down one night and tell me that it had been fun but that it was over? And how would I react? Would I keep my cool, or would I cry and grovel like a fool?
Pre-Marriage Demands – Memoirs of An Illegal Alien Part 98
I was scared of making the call. This was going to be another awkward conversation. I had not heard from Juliet in 6 weeks. I had been patiently waiting for an answer on my business marriage proposal
but could not wait any longer. The immigration debate in congress gave me a new sense of urgency about my situation. I wanted an answer quickly so I could move on to the next "business marriage" candidate.
BOARDLANE TV BROADCAST: WILL JAMAICANS PULL THE THREAD ON THEIR WEAVES? (Jamaican Spoof)
Customs Commissioner, Major Richard Reese recently announced that the Customs Department will be collecting taxes on the import of human hair weaves. According to recent reports, weave imports have reached JM$1 billion and now the government wants a bigger piece of the pie. Boardlane TV took to the streets to find out how local hairdressers and customers feel about the imposed tax on this commodity.
Tears At A Wedding: What is For You - Part 23 The next afternoon, Kevin arrived to pick me up for his cousin’s wedding just seconds after I had finished doing my hair, my final step in getting ready. “You look great, as usual,” he greeted me with a kiss.
Jamaican Nicknames: The Twelve People You Meet On The Way Home from School
My school days at Alpha Academy were the most unforgettable because they were colored by some of the most interesting and memorable characters. On days when I had to stay back for extra –curricular activities , my friends and I would opt to walk home approximately four miles. If it was extremely late and about to get dark, we would take the bus home , however, this activity earned me the nick name of “Madeeks”…Why you may ask?
Barber Shop Meets Illegal Immigration – Memoirs of An Illegal Alien Part 97
It had been three weeks since I met with Juliet about the business marriage. I still did not have an answer to my proposal. I was tempted to follow up with her but did not want to be too aggressive. There was a new immigration debate heating up in Washington. A few Senators were proposing a bill that would provide illegal aliens with amnesty. That bill was also adamantly opposed by some members in Congress and they a proposed a law to counter any amnesty bill. The law would deport all illegal aliens and change the way employment verifications were done by companies.
Christmas in Jamaica
It Christmas time again and there is nothing like a Jamaican Christmas. Check out our Christmas recipes including Jamaican fruit cake, red sorrel and white sorrel. We also have some great articles, poems and music on Christmas in Jamaica.
4 New Poems
We added 4 new poems: Quarrel, In honor of Sai Baba, A Heart Of Gratitude and You Never by Maxine Foster
Duppy know who fi frighten
Memory: days of visiting country, rolling calf, and DUPPY! A brief memory of my journey to the country side from Kingston