Affairs of the Office - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 70 “Aaaaahhhh" , I heard a man’s voice echoing through the hallways near my office. It was the type of scream that signaled some type of relief. I heard a man talking. The noise was coming from one of the offices in the hall. It was not on my row but it was loud. It was late. I was working on my weekly status reports. I had missed 2 days due to a bad flu bug. I left the office that evening and came back. I had never worked in the office that late before.

New Poems We added 7 new poems:"A So Me Tawk!", "Matron Of Honor" , "De Royale Affair", "White Rasta Jamaican Girl", "Pon De Jamaican Country Road",  "Labeled Pseudo-Jamaicans" by Margaret Juliet Bailey and "Danger In Daegu" by Michael Abrahams

Kingston: Vintage Jamaica - Countdown to Jamaica's 50th Independence What began as just another balmy picturesque day in paradise, ended for its inhabitants as the day the world as they knew it, violently shook and was literally casted upside down. By 1907, Jamaica, the tiny "...verdant beauty..." set in the middle of the Caribbean, like the magnificent jewel she was considered at the time, had established its resilience to Mother Nature's occasional tempestuous fury. Kingston, the bustling harbor town built integrally as a preferred alternative in terms of location to the city of Port Royal, (which had eventually succumbed to repeated tropical onslaughts of natural disasters), had experienced exponential population growth and was the country's center for commerce and trade.

Live Broadcast From the East Coast Earthquake Zone (Satire) - Jamaican Style A strong earthquake in Virginia rattled the East coast last week Tuesday afternoon and sent out 5.9 seismic shock waves that were felt across the region. The quake prompted evacuations of office buildings and causing people to frantically run into the streets. Boardlane TV and is on the streets of Washington DC to obtain reactions from those scared individuals affected by the quake.

Granny Story: The Night at Ms. San Tropez's House Everyone is familiar with the phrase "Home is where the heart is", however, this saying rings true especially when one has visited away from their domain and the experience leaves them with a new found appreciation for the comforts and solace of their dwelling space.

Profiles of famous Jamaicans and descendants of Jamaicans Part 2 Profiles of famous Jamaicans and descendants of Jamaicans:Claude McKay, Courtney Andrew Walsh, Donald Quarrie, Donald Bailey, Edna Manley, Edward Baugh, Jimmy Cliff & Jody-Anne Maxwell

Vintage Jamaica - The Tramcar There are those that are quite surprised by the discovery that in 1845, with the installation of a steam railroad line between Kingston and Spanish Town, the Island of Jamaica was among the first in the Americas to establish a tramcar system as a means of "modern" mass transportation.

Profiles of famous Jamaicans and descendants of Jamaicans - Part 1 Profiles of famous Jamaicans and descendants of Jamaicans: Colin Powell, Usain Bolt Colin Powell, Usain Bolt, Asafa Powell, Bob Marley, Banju Banton, Gordon Cyril “Butch” Stewart, Carla Campbell &  Chris Blackwell.

Who is Usain Bolt - A Profile Usain St. Leo Bolt, OJ, C.D., is a Jamaican sprinter and a five-time World and four-time Olympic gold medalist. He is the world record and Olympic record holder in the 100 metres, the 200 metres and the 4×100 metres relay.

Road Trip - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 69 They say nothing clears the mind like a long trip. I was about to go on one. Seth was going back to Kentucky to pick up some of things he had left there when he moved to Miami. He invited me to go with him and I accepted. I had vacation time since the wedding was off. Why not use it.  Rosa really didn’t care where I went. The start of the journey was a little awkward.

Granny Gheeta and Quality Control A trait that most Jamaicans are known for is their exceptional discernment when it comes to quality. Whether it be quality of workmanship, goods and services, one could say, that Jamaicans are obsessed with achieving and maintaining the best things in life.

Traditional Jamaican Happy Birthday Song - Video and Lyrics Some birthday traditions in Jamaica are very similar to what you will find in the rest of the world; birthday candles, birthday cake and games. In Jamaica however we have a special Birthday Song. For many Jamaicans growing in Jamaica this song would be sung at a birthday party. Here is the traditional Jamaican Happy Birthday song made popular by Miss Lou on her show "Ring Ding". We have provided the lyrics in English and Patois/Patwa. Enjoy!!!

Hanging on a String - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 68 It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. Not even my “ill planed” adventure to test my green card stamp was as hard on me as this was. It was probably harder because I did not have any control.

Granny Story: Granny Gheeta's Tale of The Publicans In Jamaica, paying taxes is an arduous but necessary event. Folks rarely make a big deal about the task, primarily because they are not subjected to filing tax returns. They pay taxes on their land, property and water, usually at the end of each year.

Anansi-a-dead-oh! I know this is late, but me just get the news.  I cant believe is true so I’m writing to authenticate the veracity of the statement that dem a plan up fe kill off Anancy.  See yah ma, when Aunty Girlie tell me frighten, me frighten so till that me almost drop dead right  there on the spot. Same time me bawl out  ‘Murder!  Blue murder!’  

Say it Ain't So Part 1 - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 67 It was sudden. It caught me totally out of the “blue”. It caught me off guard. It would catch everyone off guard it happens. It happened 5 months before the wedding. Rosa and I were at dinner at a Thai restaurant around the “corner” from her house. “Do you really love me?” Rosa asked.

Granny Gheeta's Views on Chastising Other Peoples' Children Every parent likes to think that they have a prize cow in all their children, the world's best behaved children. However those utopian thoughts are soon doused at the first hint of criticism spewd by their family members, associates or peers. Granny Gheeta was the expert on such matters, especially since she had a "hush-hush" policy when it came to chastising other peoples' children.

Marketing 101-Yardie Style If you’ve ever done a course in Marketing you would know the importance of the FOUR P’s-product, price, place (location) and promotion.  Any marketer worth anything will tell you that if you do not focus on these four things-yuh product nah go sell. That might be true but it seems that these fancy-schmancy marketers may need to come take a course in Marketing at the University of Downtown Kingston, Jamaica, cause wi good bad enuh.

The Vital Role Jamaican Cartoonists Play The English definition of a Cartoonist is a person who specializes in drawing cartoons. The work is usually of a humorous nature and created for satire and informative purposes. Cartoons are used for entertainment, commentary and for the enlightenment of political issues.. A vital part of the Jamaican culture has been the cultivation of several brilliant artists who remain unknown due to their love of true art, and refusing to sell out to commercialism. Jamaica has been fortunate to have two distinguished Cartoonists in their midst whose Artwork or Cartoons have been seen all over the world and created social awareness for Jamaica.

Live Report from The Royal Wedding (Satire) - Jamaican Style The week’s most talked about, and widely covered event, has finally taken place. Kate Middleton and Prince William, were wed this morning at Westminster Abbey as College News reported on Wednesday. The atmosphere in London was cheerful as thousands of people gather outside Westminster Abbey to witness the wedding .  Among the thousands of well wishers were Jamaicans. Boardlane TV got a chance to speak to some of the onlookers .

What If Granny Gheeta Skins Her Teeth? In Jamaica most children are very fond of their elderly relatives, primarily because they take the time to listen to their concerns and they refrain from casting judgement, remembering that they too, were once young and carefree.  Growing up in Jamaica, and having a grandmother like Granny Gheeta made for very interesting times. As most younger children can relate, once an older relative approaches certain birthdays, we start to think of them as being very ancient.

Video footage of Emperor Haile Selassie’s 1966 visit to Jamaica Video footage of Emperor Haile Selassie’s April 21, 1966  historic visit to Jamaica. Over 100,000 Rastafarians from all over descended on the airport, having heard that the man whom they considered to be the Messiah was coming. Selassie told the Rastafarians they should not immigrate to Ethiopia until they had found freedom in Jamaica.

The Sins of a Father Part 2 - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 66 We got Amy’s picture in the mail a week after talking to her. She had a friend who was coming to Miami mail it to us. Sue pressed her to do it as she wanted to see if she looked like my father. The picture was all the proof we needed.

Lyrics-De Jamaican Way I have always been amazed at how bold, bright, brazen and bumptious our Jamaican men are when it comes to dropping lyrics. I am convinced that the things that women have to endure from some of these men happen only in Jamaica. 

Granny Gheeta Speaks Beyond The Grave We are living in times of uncertainty and chaos, partly because the world has been lead astray by well meaning leaders, and partly because most people who inhabit the world, don't really care about good stewardship or governance.

The Sins of a Father - Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 65 When the phone rings late at night it is never good. Sue was not at home as she was sleeping at Sidney that night.  My first thought was something happened to either her or my father. His treatment in Cuba had gone well so it would be a surprise if something was wrong with him. Sue would call whenever she was upset with Sidney and needed me to pick her up. That had not happened in months but I had a feeling that this would be the case tonight.

Only In Jamaica - Part 1: The "Masacraw" Of The Queen's English Being a full-time mom, wife and a part-time teacher does not often allow me the time to engage in one of my favourite past-times, writing. My husband has been prodding me for years to write more and I keep telling him I have no time, which is true, but I believe maybe I needed to be inspired. So started my quest:"What should I write about?" and then it hit me-Jamaica!!!  After all there is much on the rock to fill a thousand books. So here's the first look at a series I like to call "ONLY IN JAMAICA-PART 1: THE "MASACRAW" OF THE QUEEN'S ENGLISH.

Granny Gheeta Questions, "Where Is My Grandchild?" Every parent experiences moments of frantic at one time or another regarding the whereabouts of their child or children. Whether it is a school bus ride gone awry or children losing their way. Childhood has its way of creating panic within families.

Egypt Inspires Protest in Jamaica (Satire) - LIVE BROADCAST From The Streets Of Kingston, Jamaica Breaking news just in. Boardlane TV is reporting that the people of Jamaica have taken to the streets to protest the Oppressive regime Led by Prime Minister Bruce Golding. The protest from what we understand stems from the uprising already taking place in Egypt where the Egyptians are also attempting to over throw their government. Boardlane TV has footage of some of the events taking place on the ground.

Approval: Impressing My Parents – Part 64 Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 64 My parents would be coming to Miami soon.  I had to evaluate some of the things I had been doing which my parents would not approve of.
The club partnership was one of those things. It was going really good even though it put a strain on my relationship with Rosa. As we continued to plan our wedding she had been asking that I quit the club business. She kept saying we needed the time to plan the wedding. I should not be operating around running a club once a week.  I believed it was more about her jealousy of Selena.

Valentine's Day Poems We added 3 Valentine's Day poems by Margaret Juliet Bailey: Love Bureau, Hoping & Wishing and If Love Were Like A Beres Hammond Song
 

Granny Gheeta and the Ghost of Mrs. Podmajah Jamaican culture is filled with tales of wonderful folklore. Anansi and "duppy" stories help to create a legacy that is rich in history and sinister happenings.. A national pastime of older Jamaicans is sitting down and talking about the dearly departed. Their banter usually  includes how many times they had sightings of the dead person, the dreams they had concerning them, and the most morbid details of reliving the day when they were buried.

Can You Keep a Secret? : Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 63 I remember where I was when the call came in. I was in the kitchen cooking my favorite quick meal; bully beef and white rice. It was my mother. She was a bit reserved. She was solemn. She was not her cheerful self. At first I wondered if she had spoken to Rosa. We had an argument recently but nothing serious. These disagreements were becoming a little frequent since I started the club and as we got closer to a wedding.

Why Daddy Eats Patty Every Saturday Back in Jamaica when Daddy was a boy he and his younger brother, Andrew, found some brown seeds in their bathroom cabinet one Sunday morning. They had no time to investigate what type of seeds they were so they dropped them by the front gate when they were on their way to church.

Video: Santa Claus (Do You Ever Come To The Ghetto?) song Opera Style Check out the video of the opera version of Santa Claus (Do You Ever Come To The Ghetto?). The video was the winner of our recent Best Jamaican Christmas Song contest. Congrats to our winner TheaterJock.

Granny Gheeta's Night at The Mall The Holidays are always a hectic time of year for most people around the world. Although most Grannies pride themselves on staying ahead of the chaotic holiday rush, there are times when tradition has to be broken to add a little Holiday Spirit. My Granny always scolded me about the Western World and how important it was to stay true to my heritage. She disliked certain pastimes of western culture, such as hanging out, going to the mall and talking slang.

Business Marriage - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly : Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 62  The wedding date is finally set. After delays and some excuses Rosa has finally committed to a date.  We will be getting married in 9 months. She has finished school and was now working as a doctor at Broward General.  She was getting a huge salary. One I could probably never be able to get if I stay an illegal alien. I have to admit I felt threatened by her salary.

Wedding Adventure Part 2 : Memoirs Of An Illegal Alien Part 61 It was Uncle Teddy’s wedding day. We were able to sleep a little later as it was an afternoon wedding. The telephone woke me up at about 10:30 am. “Hello” I thought it was Uncle Teddy.

An Emerged Leader: Dr. Lee Bailey Most people around the world may be aware that individuals who come from the Caribbean tend to be overachievers. Always striving for excellence. Such is the case of Dr. Lee Bailey from Montego Bay, Jamaica. Dr. Lee Bailey was born on July 27,1943, in a town called Portland, located in Port Antonio, Jamaica, West Indies. His parents Mirriam and Clarence Bailey urged him from his early years to attain the best in life, by always striving to be number one in Education.

Granny and I: Granny Gheeta's Views on Hoarding In today's society a label is placed on every idiosyncratic behaviour that a human being possesses, however some of these labels have no bearing on sensible human practices. One of my Granny's most eccentric behaviours was saving for a "rainy" day.