Allo me wanderful fans! Ow iz all uno good peple doing hout dere inna de Wul?

Well, opefuly uno iz hangin on, elp iz on de way. Oraka Bama win de helection so maybe we will haff wul peace hafta hall.

Ms. Dulcie is very bizzy dese days, through me all ova foreign a promote me book cyall, “Dulcieism”. Me go a de Sag Award, me go to de Golden Globes, Me was in Cannes, France and Ms. Dulcie was heven at de Sundance Flim Festival. Hif you heva see me pon de Slope dem, you wuld a fal dung wid hexcitement. Man, when Ms. Dulcimer put hon har gear everybody tap fi look wid shellshock.

Fi me bright Caribbean cola dem wake hup heverybody. Lorks haf mercy!

Anyhow, me haff hole heap a labrish fe gey uno. Me get wan letta from wan hoity-toity oman, who a gey me news pon mi daughta an ar usban. Dem no visit New Yawk de odda day an go fe stay at de Pierre Otel. Heh…Heh…..!

Mek me read de letta to uno.

Dear Ms. Dulcimer:

I was a guest recently at the Pierre Hotel in New York and I was staying in the Presidential Suite when I heard some noises going on in the adjacent suite.

There were slamming of doors, a woman crying, screaming and terrible name calling.

I waited awhile to see if the excitement would calm down, but it grew more boisterous.

After I heard the young woman scream at the top of her lungs, I could no longer take the melee’, so I ventured to the suite and tapped on the door, however no one answered.

I then went downstairs and inquired about the visitors next to me and the Concierge told me that it was a Ingrid and Yehuda “something or other”. I don’t quite remember the surname. However, the christian names rang a bell with me, I thought the Ingrid might be your daughter, and I remembered the gentleman’s name from one of your articles. The young girl did have a Jamaican-British accent and the man had a definite foreign accent. There were too many coincidences, so since I am a fan of yours, I felt it was my duty to intervene.

I alerted all the Personnel in the hotel and they were able to contact the couple and get things calmed down. I am sorry to tell you though, your daughter came away with quite a bruising. I am sure this is not a matter that she wants to brag about, but perhaps you can have some dialogue with her about the conflict.

I hope that things work out for you and your family.

Best Wishes,

Nosy Estelle

Hafta me get Ms. Hestelle letta a waz juss shekin lika leaf. Me waz opin sey Hingrid wulda cyall me an tell me bout dem macca-bracca fight, but me wait four weeks trait an me nevva ere nuttin, so me cyall ar.

Ere wey she tell me. She an Yehuda haf wan fight bout wan gal. De gal accuse Yehuda hof fadering ar pickney, an hevry day de gal a cyall hup poor Hingrid hat Ballet rehearsal far chile support money. Hingrid nevva heven knoe bout de gal, much less de chile. So, Hingrid an de Yehuda go a New Yawk ‘cause Hingrid waz perfarming wid de chilren dem hat Juillard. De gal cyall Yehuda pon de Otel phone an Hingrid decide fe buk im up bout de matta.

Me hask ar why she wait til she pon de street fe air ar bizness. She ansa me sey, “Mammie, I was so confused I didn’t knoe what to do, or how to handle the developments.”

Me jus tell ar sey, “Me knoe ow fe hangle hit, dere is going fi be a “bam-bam” from Ethiopia, Jamaica straight throu to Huncle Sam.”

Yehuda im sey dat im an de gal iz jus frens. Dem did haff a likle relations before de weddin but im no talk to ar far a while. De Hingrid she mussey waz a taunt im wid de subjeck, ‘cause Yehuda get bex a give ar a rahted slap. Me tel Hingrid sey, she mus pak ar grip right way an cum stay at wan a mi villa dem inna Jamaica, till me cyan get to de nitty-gritty of dis ya fracas.

So, Ms. Dulcie set hout pon a mission, a cyall me likkle rasta fren name “Spreggle”, im is like de bes P.I. inna Jamaica. Me gey im airfare an hexpense money fe go a Ethiopia an New Yawk fe get to de crux a de sitiation.

By dis time, Hingrid finish ar Ballet tour, an she a stay inna de villa dung in Country an hevry day me a get report sey she abawl fe Yehuda. Lawd haf mercy! Dis is a modder’s worst nightmare far ar pickney.

Heventually, Spreggle cum back wid im findings an tell me sey de gal wey a caus all a dis ya “roonkus-poonkus” name Sherale’ an she’s a real wile oat. Supposedly, she waz a date Yehuda, an evry Tom, Dick and Harry. Den she get ar self preggars an a try fe pass hit hoff as Yehuda bebe.

Well, das hall me needed, facts fe haul an pull hup dis ya gal who create havoc inna fe mi pickney life. A doughn’t fargive Yehuda far knocking ar, but dis ya gal puddin me is going to cool.

Ow dare she pass haff ar pickney like jacket an tie fe poil hup mi pickney life?

She raise ell hall ova town an den a try fe bruk hup fe mi pickney marriage. A report ar to de Hinsane Society you see, an when a dun a cyall de Governor General inna Jamaica an tell im some gal a try fe hextart money from me gal pickney . Well, hif de Jamaican Consulate nevva handle it, a dough knoe if my name is Dulcie!

Me heven cyall de Ethiopian Hembassy fi warn dem bout dis ya gal, an fe tell dem fe tap ar from stalkin mi pickney.

Dem was on hit like a fly on hointment!

Dat de gal will nevva ere de name Dulcie, Hingrid and Yehuda an feel good again.

As far as Hingrid, me jus tell ar fe go back wid ar usban BUT not until im get some mental elp. Dem no haffi be closey, closey and nicey-nicey like dem once waz. But show a united stance, no mek nobody get de betta hand hof ar. She may feel difrantly hafta a while , who knows? But she mus hole on to ar marriage. Dem de ole relux gal….Dem want peple man, and will hupset you life so you run way an leff you usban. Doughn’t give dem de satisfaccion!

Hafta hall de hexcitement sekkle dung, me write Ms. Hestelle wan letta..

Dear Ms. Hestelle:

Tanks far bein a Nosie-Nelly , if it wasn’t far you, a would nevva did knoe sey mi girle chile is gweyin through such a tryin time. We modders haffe be alert wen it cum to our gal pickneys ‘cause dere is too much gweyin on in dis wul today.

Blessins to you an you fambly from de bottom hoff mi heart.

Always,

Ms. Dulcimer

 

As they say in Jamaica, everyting is irie now an Ms. Dulcie is stayin on top hof ar game. Tanks to all de peple who give Ms. Dulcimer a “shout hout” evry once in a while.

Till nex time…….Uno mus stay sweet.