Jamaica

Greetings & Salutations mi dear fans! How har all hoff uno doin?

Well, me is feelin like a real ole reloux lately, wid de Crismas Halliday and now Heaster a com, mi tiad cyant dunn. Lawd, Ms. Dulcie need fi tek sum tonic fi henergize ar self.

Crismas mi shop hout mi longitude an lattitude cyan’t dunn. Through mi granpickny dem, mi haffi fight hoff hevrybady inna de store. Hiz hongly dat de Jamaican Boxer who com from Hengland coulda knock hout peple so good. Wey Im nyam hagain? Him speekie-spokie so nice……..

Hanyhow, me wuz hable fe get all de hup to date toys dem. Me good coat an sweater tear hup inna de fracas, but dem wuz happy com Crismas, so , me happy to.

Heaster a com, so me haffi tun into wan champumnannny hagain, but see ya!

Dem haffi space hout dem ya Halliday, far Miss Dulcie will hend up pon de six o‘clock news.

Let’s get dung to some real bizniz. Me haff over a million letta fi read, but as me wuz a go through dem, hongly wan grieve me heart cyant dunn. Me haffi speak hout, mi haffi appeal to all me die-hard fans hout dere. Pray far de elderly an de sick peple hoff dis wul.

A man from Canada write me bout im poor hailin fadda………..

Dear Mrs. Dulcimer Robothom:

I am writing to you because you are a terrific no nonsense woman. The matter I am about to discuss with you is of a most delicate nature. My father is ninety years old and has been stricken with Alzheimers for several years. He is incapacitated and spends most of his days in bed. He has three nursemaids that take care of him. My wife and I are not able to attend to him as we would like to because we both have to work to pay for his care and to keep a roof over our heads.

My wife and I began growing suspicious of the nursemaids a few months ago. Recently, my wife came home and the front door was left wide open, the lady that was taken care of him was no place to be found. The house was wreaking with the smell of weed and my poor father was upstairs sitting in feces.

I spoke with his caretaker very sternly, and told her that carelessness was unacceptable behavior and she promised it would never happen again. We also reported the matter to the Agency and they too acknowledged it was unprofessional behaviour and promised that they would give the Nursemaid a warning. A week ago, my wife and I were startled during the middle of the night by my father wailing and moaning. We couldn’t understand what was wrong, so we rushed him to the hospital. Once there, they ran several tests and found out that he had been attacked, molested and sodomized. Due to the shock, he suffered a stroke. Last night, he passed away from the shock of the whole ordeal.

The situation has even been a bigger shock to my wife and I. Before hiring these nursemaids we had them thoroughly checked out. The Agency told us that there weren’t any heinous crimes in their background. How could this travesty happen in our family?

The caretakers seemed like good christians, this is so confusing and upsetting.

An investigation was conducted and we found out that one of the caretakers was a drug runner, so when my wife and I left for work, she would turn up the television in my father’s room and go out to conduct her unsavory business. The authorities even found out that Dad’s room was ransacked and we confirmed that valuables were missing. We believe that this dastardly act was drug related, and my father was a casualty of the whole sordid affair.

How do you explain a man who has lead an exemplary life, dying like a common vagrant?

Ms. Dulcimer my family and I are distraught over this experience. Please help us with your prayers and kind understanding.

Best Wishes,

Distraught and Humiliated

Dear Distraught & Humiliated:

Dem haf a ole Jamaican saying dat go, “Halways fallow you mind!”

Intuition cyan tek you a long way. Iz a pity uno nevva alert de authorities de fus time de macca-tacca pull hoff ar foolishness.

Wuds cyant describe ow mi feel. It is a shem an abomination to de lawd wen peple do such disgraceful hacts!

Himagine, a senior citizen, who is a sitting duck, dem tek hadvantage of.

No man, you haffi seek justice!

Dis ting cyant juss dunn like dat. Spread yo tory, tell heverybody you knoe. Dere hiz power in numbas . Flush dese wrong doers hout. Dem a hide behind sum big authority. Bring de hole deck a cards dung.

Me tell you, me was tryin fi retia from me hocus-pocus wuk, but now you tell me dis. Naw, we haffi seek retribution pon de spiritual side. Dis cyan’t go dung so.

Me an Sista Hortence, a go jain de Pocomania circle. Wen we finish you will be cyalling me pon de phone fi tell me, “Justice has been served!”

Dem custed hevil doers gwey run leff hevryting an give dem self hup. Mark me wuds!

Me too hupset fi talk anymore. Juss rememba, de wuks of Ms. Dulcie an Company will be in touch wid you. Tek cyare till nex time. Mi bes simpattie to yu an de fambly.

Prayers & Blessings,

Dulcimer Robothom

*Rememba God‘s words: “What you do onto the weakest of my brothers, you do unto me !”