Ms. Dulcie Sey: "A Wey Dis Ya Bogus Florence Nightengale Cum From?"Published Nov 20, 2008
Howdy –do to hall hoff mi fans hout dere inna de torrid Economy! Me say, hevry day tings iz gettin treacherous far hall a we inna de wul.
Inna Jamaica we gawn back to we ole fashin way of doin tings do eh…? We a revolt gainst de system, ‘cause dem is surely givin we a haard way to go!
Hanyhow, we leave de Economy Robber Barrons to God, he will tek cyare a dem inna im own time. Well, dese past few days me no get no letta, tings iz so baad people cutting back pon hink an paypa. Hehe…What a sinting doh eh? Heven de Post Hoffice dem nah deliva mail has regula as dem should, me sey me an Missa Fowla organize wan rally dung a Mrs. Simpson doorstep fi get some deliverance pon dis ya hinflation.
So thru me no get no hole heap a letta, me decide fi go visit me school days fren inna de Nursing Home. She a recuperate from Exhaustion. She’s a Reggae Singa….A guess hall hof de wine hup, wine hup an nightlife a kill ar wid hall kina hailments. Me say, she is like wan wuka harse, mawnin, noon an night she de pon stage. Heven pon holiday time she a travel cross de Hotlantic fi hentertain peple. Hafta dat no
deh no high life. Dat a kill dead sitiation. Well, hafta hall a de rucksin hup, she nuh collapse pon de stage. Me good fren dwingle dung to wan skeleton, so Ms. Dulcie cyan bare fi see ar gweyin dung dat de way deh.
So, Ms. Dulcie pak hup wan goodie bag wid Ribena, Sanatogen, Harse Crackas an a few cans hoff Nutrament. Me mek Missa Winston tek me dung a de posh Nursing Home wey she kotch hup. Me nevva see so much flowas inna mi life, de place decorate wid hall kina flowas an bush himaginable. Fi mi poor hallergies dem had wan field day. Me go dey healthy an leff out day like wan almshouse, a sniffle an a cough.
But as usual no hadventure of Ms. Dulcie’s heva rung smooth, Mi sey when me enta ar hell hof a mansion hof a room, me see wan Nuss wey look like Nuss Ratchet from houta “ Misery” de movie. De bodyguard dem a stan houtside a de door,but wen me glimpse inna de room “Skanklarter” aka Sylvania Larter a heng Hoffa de bed lookin like she half dead. Lawd! Me start fi mek hup hole heap a naise fi get hevry badie hattention, cause she look like she did near death’s door. Me shek are so til. Me nevva know wey fi do wid me self. Hall de Nuss dem a rung roung a talk bout “ Code Blue! Code Blue!”
Himagine de custed Nuss siddung prehoccupied wid watchin ar stories dem while fi me gal fren a dead from dehydration an lack hof oxygen to de brain.
So, hiff me nevva did go roung a de Nursing Home me fren woulda did dead. Me say, nowadays, yu go inna de Sanitorium fi wan ting an yu cum hout wid anodder.
Me juss run de custed Nuss houta de room ‘cause hall she was a do was tek hup space an a waste time. When yu hear from de shout, she an wan a de bodyguard dem is sweethearts, so a pure roonkus poonkas waz gweyin on. Me sey to miself, "A wey dis ya bogus Florence Nightengale cum from?"She waz wan ogre houta de likkle shop hoff horrors!
It tek de Docta dem halmos a hour fi revive Sylvania, so me koch pon de reclina inna de room a wait fi ar fe wake up from sleepin. When she finally cum back roung, she tell me some horrors wey me cyan heven undastan. She sey, wen she check inna de Nursing Home , she was just feelin a likkle pekid an tiad. She figure dat she woul ongly be dere far a few days. De fuss day, Ms. Garanga, aka de Devil Nuss show hup, wid ar cape an thermos hof arsenic. Dem tel ar sey, she gwey give ar wan nice, relaxing massage . De Nuss wuk ova me fren like wan loan shark who a look fi im money. De poor gal haff black an blue hall ova ar body like she get tattoo from Godzilla. It waz wus dan a nightmare pon Helm Street. Sylvania body was so sore dat she culdn’t heven get houta de bed fi tek cyare hof arself. She was so shock an bewildered, dat she taught sey ar skin pon ar body waz hyparsensitive cause she tiad. So, she shrug hoff de hole incident. De nex mawning de custed Nuss Wretch cum fi tell ar sey, she a tek ar to de Sauna fi soothe ar aches an pains. Tellin ar dat she a go feel like wan million dollas wen she dun.
Dat de Nuss neva did look too righted to me from mawnin. You knoe wey de likkle debil do? Tun hup de heat inna de sauna an leff ar, wen me gal fren cum hout she look like she haff scalett feva. She culd barely, talk, walk or anyting. She hexplain dat hevrytime afta dat she quince wen de Nuss cum near ar, but she culdn’t hopen ar mouth ‘cause she a sleep wid hevrybadie a de Nursing Home. Den she tell me sey, de reason why me ketch ar hangin Hoffa de bed is because she feel sey de Nuss hinjeck ar wid sum paison, claiming sey it was Vitamin B 12 shots fi gey ar henergy. De gal halmost loose ar life. Me juss tell ar, “Haff no fear Ms. Dulcie iz here fi traighten hout everybadie, so dem play fair!”
Yu eva ere me dyin trial? A de oman money dem hafta…..Dem nuh haff no hintention fi mek ar feel betta. Dem wan sen ar pon wan permanent vacation. Me start fi look rung ar room fi fine clues an me see dat de Nuss leff wan tray pon de side table. Wen me tek hup de tray, me see wan vial undaneath de tray mark rat paison. She was a lace ar food wid paison…No wanda coal sweat an delirium waz a tek hold pon de poor girle. Me juss kinely cyall Missa Winston fi scrape ar hup an tek ar to fi mi umble abode hup a Red Hills Road.
Me give me Helpa Esmie hinstruccions fi gey ar single bible tea roung de clock, calalloo juice fi drink an fish tea soup far a few days. Me say, inna a week, Sylavania waz hup an about like wan Spring Chicken again…..
What a fretration! De por gal halmost loose ar life like dat, hall because peple is money hungry. Hafta me sekkle Sylvania, me an Missa Winston go dung a de Nursing Home an me ketch de Nuss gal an tell ar sey, hif she heva put ar likle merasme fingas pon hanybadie wey me knoe hagain, not heven plasta paris gwey elp ar. Me neva see hanybady run so fas…De gal fassa dan Usain Bolt!
Hall now dem no ere from ar, an as far de Bodyguard dem, me hask me crazy Butler Rodrigo fi tek dem far a ride inna de cunchie, knowin im, dem get loss sum place between Oracabessa an Mandeville.
Anyhoo, de wul iz a betta place ‘cause dem debil got dem walkin paypas. You knoe , is a shame an disgrace wen peple doughn’t tek dem duties responsibly, or wen dem get beside dem self an cause more harm dan good. Dese vermins waz spenin hup de oman monies, usin hup ar house pon de North Coast an shoppin til dem drop at fi ar hexpense. In a few days dem did halmos run thrugh ar fortune. Can yu himagine dat?
Dem waz all dealin drugs while de poor gal was listless, an in and hout of drug induced sleep. Dere was nuttin dat dem neva try at fi ar hexpense. But dem gwey roast inna hell, dat’s hal me knoe.
Hanyway, Ms. Dulcie saved de day. I guess uno cyan juss cyall me a Heroine. Ina dis ya wul today, iz very haard fi trus hanybadie cause dem hall a function pon dem hown agenda!
Uno tek cyare till nex time an rememba fi tek cyare a uno self, nobadie nah go do it far uno.
Dulcimena Dulcimer Peaches Robothom