Ms. Dulcie Sey: "A Comin Dere Jus Now!" (Jamaica)

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Ms. Dulcie Sey: "A Comin Dere Jus Now!"

Published Dec 20, 2007

How are my wanderful folks doing? I wish hall hof yu is doing fine and dandy. Me cyan stay long disya time wit uno me haffi dash to me dear fren Hesmeralda inna Chicago. Rite now de elicopta a hova ova me roof top mi haffi fly to Miyami and den mek de connexion.

Mi poor fren cyall mi de odder day an tell me one piece a roonkus-poonkus torey. Ar beautiful gal pickney nyame Francine is in a notted sitiation. Dem no sneek an cut hoff piece ar hair an bury hit inna de grung. Dem a try cyast wan spell fi she ded quick. Sum dutty, frowsy gal wey she wuk hout wit at de gym. She an ar Mumma buzy a wuk gozongu pon ar. De poor pickney cyan keep dung a lik a food. She jussa vomit hup de place, an a chat foolishness. Den she cyan heven hole up. Iz like she's a zombie. Dema try fi mad de poor gal cause dem want ar likle boyfren. But see ya!

Iz so sum oman desperate fa man. Well, when Dulcimer Robothom is dun wit dem, dey will be livin inna de filth palace. Dat's what God do to evil people.

Dem no knoe sey Ms. Dulcie have hocus-pocus connexions hall ova de wul. Bakkle Star Galaktika ago tek place.

Hesme iz me good, good gal fren. Me an ar used to go Beauty School ina Merka togather. Ah! a bet uno nevva did knoe sey Ms. Dulcie was such a oman of talent an mystry? Ah O!

Me tell ar sey me a go chat to uno fi awhile and den heng on pon de elicopta till me reach Miyami, den me a go tek wan a dem likle put-put plane, den me a go tek Greyhound til me reach a Hillinoise. Lawd help me!

Mi jus ope dem haff wan mini van a wait pon mi a de airport.

Me jussa tremble so. De pocamania spirit get raise up inna me 'cause me so custed bex.

Folks me pack mi grip, but mi cyan heven close it. Mi jus haffi tie hit hup wid sum piece a elastic wey Ms. Sangeet did give me from ar dress-making shop. Me grip full up cause me a tek me hextra large telephone book wid mi sista dem numba. Me belang to wan elite grup a women, "De Ladies of de Alogen Lamp" . We no wear nuttin but shocking pink. Yes man, wen we go to wuk, de pink alone run de hevil spirit dem! We shock de devil houta hell. Den me a carry mi cham-pum nanny incense, de cross a correction dat long from here to Langston Road. Me also haf sum tamarind leafs an de most himportant ting is two foul foot. Heh! Heh!

Till me get dere me tell Hezmerelda sey she must bade ar pickney wit Jaze inna a zinc bath pan. Den tek de dutty water an shrow it at de merasme people dem gate. Den rub ar pickney dung wid sum holive hile an tiga bolm. Me tell ar sey she fi read de Psalms dem to ar an spin are twelve times and spit five times. Well, before me get dere dem a go run from dem haddress. Mark mi wuds. Me juss a go fi put hon de finishing touches pon dem rahtedness.

Me an de Alogen Women dem gwey stay hup hall night straight fi seven days and nights. We gwey raise hup all a de ancestral duppy dem. Dem gwey sarry sey dem a look man. Cyan yu himagine twenty-sumthing year ole so treacherous?

Den no knoe sey me iz ar Godmadda an mi no joke. Me we raise dung duppy from el fi protek mi chilren dem.

O! Before me feget me haffi get sum yallo material fi mek sum houtfits fi ar. A gwey mek ar wear yello till dem ole rancid, cookamongas sorry dem did heven tink bout dis ya fello.

Mi dear frens, if I no cum crass hany yello material jus sen it to Ms. Dulcie nuh, in cyare a de Chicago post hoffice. God will Bless uno yu see. Hanyhow, dat's Ms. Dulcie predicament. Mi haffi go now, 'cause de copta man a get himpatient an me have a lang journey ahed of me.

Francine and Hesme if uno a read dis, mi pon mi way. Dough worry, Gunga Dulcie got callaloo tea an "Run de devil" aerosol spray!

Luvies me jus roun de carner!

Dear folks me talk to uno wen mi get bak from de windy city, if dis ya concocxion wey mi haf no wuk, mi haffi shame dem pon OPRAH. Mek mi carry ar numba to nuh.

Tek cyare till nex time!

Stalk-Raving, Mad Dulcimer Robothom

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