How is all you fanciful folks doing hall ova de world? Yes, mi sey de world, uno nevva know sey Ms. Dulcie gone Hinternational? Uno fava foolishness! Ms. Dulcie a boss dese days. Heh! Heh! Mi gawn from mi likkle ricky-tickity shack to wan gargeous Condominium pon Constant Spring Road. Lawd! Country gal cum a town! Mi have evry hamenity yu can tink pon. Mi hav bidet which mi nevva did knoe bout. Me tink sey it was a fancy zinc pan, so mi wuzza wash clothes inna it till Ms. Allawecious mek me likkle wiser. Yes, bredda B mi a liv in wan fabulocious evironment. Tehee!

Anyhow wid all dis hexcitement mi haffi stop and tell you mi sad news we mi get de odder day. Mi lang time girl fren no cyall me de odder day and tell me sey she sik. Me hask har sik wid what? In school days time de gal Henrietta was trang like a harse. Mi nevva see ar look fenky-fenky yet. She say, "C-A-N-C-E-R!" Same time me drop de phone , Brap! Mi bawl till me tun hall kine a color, hanytime me ere sey simady haf cancer mi fine it hard fi tink pasitive.

She tell me sey she haffi do Chemi-terapy you know wey dem blitz yu wid hall kina poisonous chemicals, till yu start glow like wan neon sign. Hall in de name of survival, Lawd a massey! Hany how, tru she his me good fren me decide sey mi a go commit miself fi go wid har to har treatment dem. Me sey de fus day she go fi ar treatment, mi gal fren was sik like a dawg. She vomit hout ar longitude an latitude. Good ting mi did carry likkle ginga tea inna wan termos. De ginga tea help fi sekkle har stomach. Mi poor gal fren, she so pretty and she have wan beautiful head a hair.

Lawd mi still a tarry pon dis wan. De nex time me tek har fi treatment, de whola har hair no fall hout. Me couldn't believe it. Is like she did use nair fi grease har scalp. Merciful Redeemer! Me couldn't tap bawl crocodile tears.

Me nevva do a ting but tek har same time to Ms. Fowler's Millinery Shop pon Half Way Tree Road an buy har wan posh looking fedora. Lorks, she look so sweet inna it. Hevry where she go people compliment har pon it.

Me say since dis whole ordeal me jus havn't been miself. Den ere dis, me go tek fasness de odda night and decide fi go perm fi mi head. Jesus Christmas! De whola me hair no drop off pon mi. Mi look like de American characta we dem call "Buckwheat". De likkle bitta hair we lef look and feel like kaya mattress. You knoe when open lan bun out how it look? A so me head fava. Mi nevva knoe we fi do.

Den mi run hinto Ms Chatterbox, Ms. Barbledove han she tell me fi go a de barba an mek him shave off de brekki, brekki spot dem pon mi head. Me sey wen mi lef de barba man shop mi look like dem hare krishan people dem, hall me did need was wan tambourine. But yu knoe while me wazza mek tracks fi go back a mi yard a Constant Spring, the Lord came ova me an sey, "Evry Spoil is a style. Your fren is not alone in her battle." Me sey, dat was de fus time me feel jubilation since evry ting get mix-up, mix-up. So now me fren no feel so bad dat she lose alla fi har hair. What a way de lawd works in mysterious ways!

Hanyhow, dat Cansa disease is a terrible sickness do eh? Wey me see mi fren go thru, mi wouldn't wish it pon a puss hor a dawg.All de same she deserve a medal far bravery. Jussa a word to hall a yu young people who like fi galavant and live like spree boats. Uno betta eat uno vegetables, tek plenty vitamins and remember keep cool. Try not to lek bodderation an stress get de betta part hof yu. As we like to sey inna Jamaica, "No worries, hevry ting irie!"

By de way, mi fren an I are an a regimen fi grow back we hair. We usin Jamaican castor oil wid indian hemp. If yu hevva see us we look like two chia pets on our way to be groomed. Yu see, sometimes dere is life afta terapy.

Till next time, rememba fi drink yu carrot juice and fish soup yu ere? Please spare me de sad sack news.

Always,

Ms. Dulcie

* Ms. Dulcimer Robothom asks that the world unite to find a cure for C-a-n-c-e-r. SHHH!