Ow all you people doin out dere in de great big world?
Well, dear folks mi hot cyan dun. Mi good frien Ms. Dorcas com from foreign an bring mi one fur coat, long boots an cordroy pants. Lawd a massey! If you hever see me. Mi look like wan movie star. Anyway, dats why mi hot, cause from me get de blinkin coat mi wear it night an day. Aldough Jamaica no relly ready fi dem tings, Ms. Dorcas win lotto an she treat mi to wan coat. Far dat mi his grateful, so me haffi show mi appreciation.
Mi letta dem been comin very slowly dese pass days. I believe de postman dem mussy pon "go slow". So mi no have none to read, but mi have tory fi tell yu.

My fellow merchant Mr. Chin Sang Quee top by de odda day. Im bex cyan done. Im own de likkle variety shop pon Junction Boulevard. Dem carry nice tings dere. Anyhow, im bex cause de people dem come inna de store and pick hup all de merchandise. When dem reach a de regista dem act like neva, see come see. Dem cyan mek hup dem mine weh dem want. Dem have de poor man a ring hup de merchandise so many times, dat im poor regista start fi simoke. Im haffi cyall de fiya department.

Den if dem no do dat, few days later dem com bak wid de merchandise fi hexchange ie, hafta dem wear dem. Dem all bring bak de food, han real, real personal hitems.

Poor Mr. Chin San Quue, haffi run ova ya, fi use mi telephone. De buyers dem sit pon him likkle pay phone hall day. De poor man cyan heven call out fi him wife Ms. Chin Sue fi bring him Lo Mein noodles far him. Gas tek hup de poor man stomach cyan done, mi had fi bwoil him sum cerasee tea fi mek him feel likkle betta. Den mi haffi cyall Ms. Cora Lee, the neighborhood "champumnany" fi go wid him back a de store fi straighten dem hout.

Yu heva ere anyting like dat? De poor man com from China wid im wife. Him wuk hard fi get im likkle store and dem a tek ova de store. What a way dem bruk bad!

Bless my mumma weheva she dey. She teach me say, "Befor yu go inna wan store, decide wey yu want. Seek it. Look at it propaly, tek hout yu money and pay far it. Hend of story. Is eida yu want hit har not. Dere don't need to be no hinternational summit pon de purchase."

A wey wrong wid dese people doah eh? Dem hact like real buttu. Even de people dem dat come from Mocho knoe betta dan dat.

So bein de good persun dat I ham, de past few days mi sen Ms. Cora Lee and mi nefew Erasmus to go stay a de shop wid Mr. Chin Sang Quee. Mi no wan de poor man pressha fi sky rocket again. If dem ya "booguyagga" people bodder im wan more time,mi personally gwine hup dere wid me ital rod and shoob dem out quite nicely. Yu ere me!

Mr. Chin Sang Quee hif yu har readin dis harticle, don't worry sar, cause mi got yu back- as dem wudda sey inna Merka. Tek cyare, an a will be talkin to yu real soon.

Until nex time, burn some incense inna yu store fi keep dem ole rebel hout.

Ms. Dulcie