Ms. Dulcie Sey: "Mi sick and tiad fi elp ungrateful peple!" (Jamaica)

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Ms. Dulcie Sey: "Mi sick and tiad fi elp ungrateful peple!"

Published Nov 20, 2011

Good Eveling or Good Mawnin to hall hof me faitful fans out dere!
 
It hall depends on wey uno iz inna de hatmosphere.
 
Mi ope sey uno did haff a nice time durin de Halliday.
 
Well, me go clear a Eetiopia fi go visit Hingrid and De Yehuda, plus mi likkle granpickney name "Fandango". De name halone hupset mi so bad, mi did nevva want go fi Chrismas. But Missa Fowla im hencourage mi, so me sey halright. As ushal, fi dem sumthing iz hallways a "haul an pull hup" tory.
 
Me plane harrive inna Eetiopia hon time, dis ya time me was innna de lap a luxury. Iz funny wey a likkle money cyan do eh?
 
Ms Dulcie go Fus Class hall de way. Me sey de wey dem waz a fawn hova me, yu wuld did tink sey de Queen a Heglan a travel pon de Queen Mary.
Man, hit waz wandarful.
 
Dis time me go a Eeetiopia mi carry wan hole eep a carouches. Mi carry tings fi mi granbebbe, an me decide fi be genarous an carry food tings fi Hingrid an De Yehuda, an halso far hiz family. Yehuda Mumma iz halways admirin me Jamaican t-shirt dem and she cyan tap chat bout de delicious food and sauces inna "Jam Dung".
 
So, me trekk a Eetiopia wid 12 barrel a food. Mi carry roast fish, festival, hackee an saltfish, an nuff breadfruit.
 
Me waz like de hairway canteen. De hole way we a fly yu s-s-mell de seasonin pon de plane. De hescoveith fish and scotch bonnet dem waz juss sayin ello to haal a de passengas dem.
 
Praise de Lawd sey me an me cojorubo sinting dem harrive hintact !
 
When me go thru Customs de man a talk bout sey, "What a way your luggage smell nice".
 
Me sey "Beg yu pardon sar, but me no undatand wey yu a sey!"
 
Me couldn't did hundatand de Eeetiopian haccent fi true.
 
Him start fi search up, seaarch hup mi sinting dem. So me tell him sey, " I wuldn't do dat hif I were yu, a got mi Obeah sumting dem in dere".
 
Between yu an me, a mek me, mek hup dat tory, but me knoe sey im wulda did back hoff. Heh..Heh!
 
Mi sey me nevva see simady drop sumting so fass, sametime him sey, "The line gettin a bit long ---go on through."
 
Me jus respan, "Tank yu sar."
 
Me so glad sey im nevva did search mi pocket book han mi parsan cause me did haff sweet sop, nasebery and guinep hide hup hall diffrant places. Mi juss tek time an run inna de ladies room an wrap dem hup inna mi grip quick.
 
From de time me harrive  hat de  Hairport me cyan see Hingrid and de Yehuda. Me hall colleck hup mi barrel dem an grip dem and no Yehuda an Hingrid.
 
Me wazza go mek a cyall to dem, when me buck hup...guess who? No Holiva....Yes, de funny man Holiva..Hall de way inna Eeetiopia.
 
Him sey, "Mi did knoe sey a Yardie waz haroun, mi s-s-mell de fish an bammy a mile away....."
 
Den im plant wan raucous kiss pon mi cheek dem.
 
Him sey, "Me lissen to yu show, it alright still..."
 
Me knoe sey dat waz a big compliment comin from him.
 
Me sey, "Tank yu."
 
Den im laugh, haz im waz runnin fi ketch im flight to Henglan, im ball hout, "Dulcimina trow me a mango nuh!"
 
Me juss laugh and tell him, "Gwey from me!"
 
Mussey bout twenty minutes lata Hingrid and de Yehuda show hup wid mi likkle granpickney, wid hall kina war paint hall ova ar.
 
Hevry time me see dem two, dem hallways mek me so bex. Iz like Hingrid she tun hediot since she marry dat bwoy.
 
When we reach a de ouse, me realize sey dem tun de butiful manshion inna wan cult harena. Pure strange peple a romp hup an dung hall day an hall night.
 
Me get rahted yu see..cause me no lef mi nice, nice Jamaica  fi chuk hup like sardinne inna dem Cult Camp.
Me waz ready fi grab mi granpickney a go a de Halliday Hinn dungtown, same time Hingrid come show me sey she nevva change  hup de guess room .
 
Me nevva did knoe sey, Yehuda parants dem move in de, so hevry badie iz hall wan big appy fambly.
 
Hafta mi cool hoff, me ge hevry badie wey mi bring far dem. De hingrid she who used fi luv nam Jamaican food, sey she no really henchused wid de sinting dem, and de parents dem fling dung de t-shirt dem has hif me did give dem dutty-fassy rag.
 
A get rahted yu see. A tell Hingrid, "Cut yu crap....yu bawn a Hengland, an eva since yu waz a bebbe mi feed yu pon ovaltine, milo an carnmeal parridge. Yu used to nam hackee an saltfish wid bammy like hit waz gweyin hout hof style an now yu poppin style pon mi!
A sey, lissen girle chile iz me bring yu inna dis ya wul an hif de debil tek yu soul, a gwey fine im an tek hit back!"
 
Hevery badie clear de room....Me nevva see peple run so fas.
 
Me sey, "Hingrid why yu mek dese peple a tun yu an yu pickney into foolishness."
 
She sey, "Mammie you don't understand this is how we live".
 
A respon, "Hingrid yu livin like a vagabond, I don't raise yu dat wey."
 
Den a kiss me teeth, I sey, "Tap chat foolishness, dese peple haff yu confuse hup, yu bein hungrateful Hingrid. When yu waz gettin married, Yehuda peple give yu such a warm time, now yu haff dem livin in yu yard. People doughn't change dat fas ovanight. Rememba sey iz me give yu de two tiad shilin wey yu fada lef fi yu, an yu a blow hit hout like dere iz no tomorrow? Den yu tellin me I doughn't undastand! I hundastan parfectly.....Dis bwoy an im fambly iz usin yu."
 
Hingrid get mad and sey, "If you don't like my way of life....You know what to do. The Airport is only minutes away."
 
"Well, a sey tank yu Miss, yu can keep de change an de receipt fi givin me yu fresh service.  Den a tun to ar an sey, furder more, I doughn't heven knoe wey kina name iz "Fandango" far a baby girle chile. I will be referrin to ar as "Fannie" dats a normal name. Fus ting Monday mawning a gweyin to the Lawyas hoffice and put a restrain on yu hinheritance from yu Fada. Dat man wuk haard fi im money before im lef did wul an me nah mek yu rux hit out far im."
 
Afta dat heated convarsation, I leff, an Hingrid an I haf not spoken since den.
 
Lissen me good, mi dere fans. Hi ham not wan hoff dose meddlin modders, but wen yu girle chile iz doin custed foolishness....iz haard fi shut hup.
 
Likkle Fannie is such a sweet baby, me want ar fi haff de best. Mi daughta is clearly hoff ar rockas!
 
All mi cyan do iz pray day an night....night and day.
 
De Yehuda, Hingrid an im fambly iz a bunch hof hingrates , 'cause hafta hall me do fe mek dem two stay togadder....Dem tun mi pickney gainst me.
Dis izz han abominacion unto de lawd!
 
So me dere fans Ms. Dulcimer iz writin wid a full heart...me no ave too much clever tings fi sey, hexcept mi tiad fi elp hungrateful peple.
 
Tek cyare till next time.
 
Dulcimer Peaches Robothom

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