Ello out dere to all mi fabulocious fans! Ow ar hall a yu wanderful peple doin?

Me ope sey uno a do good considaring de tribulacion dat a go on inna de wul.

You knoe wey me wan fi knoe? Iz wen de blasted Iraqi war gwey ova? An wen dem bringin de troops back?

Evryting iz harum-scarum since dem a fight de war.

Well tanks to hall a uno Ms. Dulcie hiz halmos has popula has Ofrah.

Hevry single minute me a get hinvitation to hall kina sinthing. Juss dis mawning me get a postcaard a hinvite me to wan Ball.

Heh! Heh! Uno fava muss, muss. Can you himagine Ms. Dulcie roun dem de huptite peple?

Has uno hall knoe sey, me hiz very houtspoken, so dem wey juss hask mi fi tep houtside when me get rambunctious, an start fi carry on bad..

Hanyway, Ms. Dulcie luv fi clear a room hafta hall, so me a go, yes………….

Mi gwey shock de house wid mi mad eeks self!

Me a go wake dem hup wid me black, green an gole dashiki ball gown , wey Ms. Puncinella mek fi me. Stay tune, me wi tell uno bout de hole affair.

Speakin hof hinvitations, me get wan letta from a oman who live inna New Hampshia, me no heven knoe sey dem knoe bout Ms. Dulcie, Hanyhow, simady mussey “mash ar corn” an she write to me.

Dear Mrs. Robothom:

I am writing to you because I am quite miffed about an experience I had recently.

My husband and I attended a golf tournament in Augusta, Georgia recently.

While everyone was enjoying the sportsmanship of the game, there were two men standing beside us rambling on about Tiger Woods.

They said, “What is this black boy doing married to a white girl ? The only reason he won any golf tournaments is because of affirmative action. If I were her father, I would give her a good thrashing.”

Well, my husband and I were just appalled to hear such drivel from folks who are supposed to be well cultured . This kind of talk really upsets me, because I’m the grandmother of biracial grandchildren. As a matter of fact my daughter-in-law is from “The Islands”.

Mrs. Robothom, I feel that people who are so narrow minded make this a difficult world to live in, and create animosity without a reason.

These men carried on horridly, they even went as far as saying, “What ever happened to the good old lynching days? If he ever came to our territory, we would take care of him.”

I just want you to know, that this kind of talk just made me irritated. Ms. Dulcie I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter.

My husband and I wanted to tell them a thing or two, but the words just escaped us. Perhaps you can enlighten them for us.

Gratefully,

Mrs. Outraged

Dear Mrs. Outraged:

Tenk you fi de tiykle hof Mrs. Robothom, iz a lang time hanybody cyall mi dat since Hingrid fadda dead.

Hafta hall, hingrid fadda waz a Hinglish man who sekkle inna Jamaica.

Black bwoy, white gal, a torey dem a chat!

Ms. Dulcie undastand you upsettedness. Hif me waz at dis ya tournament. Me wudda did haffi tek hoff me hopen toe shoe an fling hafta dem. By de time me finish, dem haffi replant de hentire golf course.

Me cum from JA wey fi owa motto hiz outta wan many peple. Dat mean sey, we hall iz mix-up, so we haffi talerate heach odder. I doughn’t tink anyone iz hall caucasion or hall black. Dere hiz hallways a grey harea.

Me knoe sey me go a fareign an see sum white people wey look like dem coulda have soum Jamaican inna dem. Dem hair fuzzy like dem coulda use Jaffry’s crème.

Hif simady teach dem two wud a patois dem could pass fi a yardie. De odda day me inna wan confrence, wan oman wit curly blond hair waz a speak, me wuz shore sey she waz Jamaican. Wen mi ere from de shout, she cum from Ireland. Ar brogue haccent, halmost soun like Jamaican, den she haf up wan curly hafro. Iz a good ting me nevva bet nobody, cause dat waz wan bet me wouldn’t did win.

Dose kina prejudice peple mek mi bex cyan dun. You knoe why?

Dem same wan luv fi globe trot to de Hisleands, Asia an go pon Safari, den two days lata dem chat hall a we like custed maccattacca.

What it matta hif a couple hiz interacial? Dem nah heng out wid dem , so dem fi mine dem bizness. Jus because dem an simady helse share de same complexion, doughn’t mean dem share de same views.

If dem did heva chat soum roonkus-poonkus like dat inna Jamaica, well, dem wudda haffi run back a Merka quick, quick.

We in JA represent hall kina peple an doughn’t haf no talerance far dat nonsense.

Me waz at de store wan day and dis chupid bwoy cyall a likkle lite skin gal, Ms. Porky. Well, de two Dred dem dat wuz a chat heavy science, tap wey dem a do, an drape up de bwoy. Dem straigthen im hout good, good. Yu undastand me?

Merka hiz a blessed country, but de Politicians dem hallow too much dissension an disrespeck. Hall me haffi sey iz, dem betta tap chat Tiger Woods cause im haf enough money fi buy dem comin an goin. Nex time you ere dat filthy chat, tell dem fi clear hoff!

Doze kina peple you no wan yu granpickney dem roun. Dem is Hitla reincarnated.

So, mi dear Mrs. Houtrage, no waste you precious upsettedness pon dem. Lef dem to God an time. Dey will learn dat racial hatred cum from self-lothin.

Minorities bring to light sumthing dem hate bout dem self………

Tek cyare and doughn’t pay dese closed minded folks hany mind.

Ms. Dulcimer Robothom