Jamaica

We all have friends that come into our lives for short periods of time, however, they manage to leave indelible impressions on our minds. Such was the situation with a girl I met in Prep School. Her name was Lurlie Temple.

Lurlie and I met one day on the school compound when the older children were bullying me. Lurlie quickly ran to my defense, pushing everyone aside, exclaiming, “Who chouble you? You alright? Clear the way everybody!”

She was fearless, putting the older children in their places and taking me under her wings. Lurlie was all of five years old but she was quite enormous for her age, and had a fighting spirit. Lurlie took me by the hand commenting, “I don’t want you to be deading today.”

From that fate-filled day, Lurlie and I remained inseparable. Her and I became kindred spirits, she helped to bring out the tom-boy in me and taught me not to take “flack” from anyone.

Our friendship was so special that after a few months of knowing Lurlie, I felt compelled to introduce her to my Granny. When Granny met Lurlie, she was astonished because she thought Lurlie was older.

She possessed outer strength and fortitude that was remarkable for most children at that age. Lurlie was such a competent child, that even the older students feared her. One look or one word, and she would seem to simmer her antagonizers. No one dared to ire her, and the moment we became friends, people stayed out of our way. Her vivacious, yet rambunctious personality seemed to balance out my meek, sometimes rebellious nature. Although she was tall for her age, and a bit force ripe, Granny right away understood the friendship that had developed between us.

Lurlie idolized me as a friend, during our school days she had appointed herself my unofficial caretaker, if anyone as much as said an unkind word about me, she was ready to spring into action.

 When Granny finally met her, she shook Granny’s hand so hard she thought she was shaking the arm of a wrestler. Lurlie greeted Granny admiringly, “Please to meet you Magli’s Granny…She’s my bestest friend. I’m so glad to know her Granny.”

Granny had a discerning spirit and there weren’t too many of my friends that she had taken to, but for some reason, Lurlie had won a soft spot in her heart. As we grew older, we took our common entrance exams and went our separate ways.  Keeping in touch over the years.

As time passed, Lurlie blossomed into a beautiful, accomplished young lady. All signs of her tom-boyish behavior had disappeared and she had made other friendships. Friendships that later put her in the spotlight for being assumed as being “Wild and crazy”.

Although Lurlie and I had gone in separate directions , we occasionally kept in touch. So when she called me one day upset about gossip that had been spread about her. I was ready, willing

and able to lend a helping hand. I also enlisted the help of Granny Gheeta. “Madame Rhampasang” as I endearingly called her sometimes.

After leaving Prep School, Lurlie attended Secondary School and  then went on to College. She found making friends with other women/girls quite challenging.  It was her experience, that their friendships were very superficial, hypocritical and oftentimes brined with jealousies. Therefore, as she grew older she found it less stressful to maintain friendships with the opposite sex.

Even though her friendships with them were basically platonic, most people misconstrued the friendships and began circulating vicious rumours. People called her home wrecker, “loose gal”,

man chaser and many insinuated that she was a man in woman’s clothing.

Granny had called a mini-conference to discuss the unfortunate developments that had occurred.

Poor Lurlie had been shell shocked by all the criticisms and negative comments of her male friendships.

For Granny, this meeting was a fact finding conference. She wanted to make sure that Lurlie was on the right side of the arguments before she pounced back at the penny section that had been causing this young woman anguish.

After asking Lurlie a series of questions, Granny was able to decipher that the friendships that she had pursued were innocent, and had no inclinations of immoral behavior.

However, Granny came to the conclusion that Lurlie had been the victim of peoples’ vicious gossip and back-biting. Granny would lament, “I don’t know why other women always have to make  sordid relationships out of a man and woman being friends. They will see an attractive woman with a man, and immediately assume there is something clandestine going on. Even I know that is archaic thinking.”

Lurlie and I felt confident that Granny Gheeta could straighten the matter right out. Granny had a keen sense of getting to the crux of problems through her own Granny network and her own intuition. If Granny meditated on a subject and found that there was hanky-panky, she would quickly excuse herself from the situation. But in Lurlie’s situation, Granny Gheeta felt that Lurlie had gotten a raw deal by other women who perhaps just did not like her, or who were mean spirited.

Growing up, Granny Gheeta often stressed to her female grandchildren, “Young ladies have to remain above reproach. “

Being above reproach meant, maintaining friendships that were uplifting and positive. Never allowing ourselves to be placed in compromising situations, and being mindful of the friendships we kept.

Many women can attest, that it is sometimes difficult for them to embrace other women who are more attractive or beautiful than they are. Jealousy sets in, and it makes some people commit the most unthinkable acts and say the most horrendous things.

I was always grateful that I had a Granny who emphasized, “There will always be women who are prettier than you, smarter than you and more intelligent than you. But they can never be you…You are uniquely made by God. Pretty women are a dime a dozen. Strive to be an interesting, well rounded person and your real beauty will come from within.”

During Lurlie’s ordeal, Granny also found out, that men can also be worse gossips and more cattier than women. The men that Lurlie had cherished as platonic friends were not entirely innocent in the whole matter. Some embellished the details of their friendships, declaring that they had been boyfriend and girlfriend, when nothing could be farther from the truth.

The revelations left Granny Gheets speechless, she could not understand why men had the insatiable need to boost their egos through good looking women.

Granny ranted, “It is not enough for them to be associated with young women as friends. They have to go and make up Anancy stories to impress their friends and other women to make themselves seem more desirable. Cowardice behavior!”

Granny was really wrought up by the whole unveiling of matters. She found it difficult to fathom the meanness and capricious behavior patterns of people. The way they can sometimes degrade others as if they were inanimate objects without feelings.

Granny would say “Sticks and stones may break bones but words can destroy peoples’ lives. Words have a life of their own, and they go on and on, until eternity…”

Granny’s advice to Lurlie was, “Sweetheart, you know the truth regarding the relationships you have fostered. Don’t ever give anyone the power to tarnish your image with their issues or negativity. When others spew disdainful hate, it speaks more about them, than about the objects of their hatred. They may actually be revealing beliefs and tales about their lives.”

Granny oftentimes expressed to me her disappointment in sisterhood. She felt that women on a whole seemed to rejoice in the tearing down of other women.  Granny sensed that women who were nurturing, empowering and kind were a rare breed. As a young woman, she urged me to rise above cruel remarks.

 Granny prompted, “Hold your head high and dust the wagging tongues off your shoe bottoms and keep on going! Living purposefully in spite of naysayers is the best revenge!”