As you may know by now, my Granny was a connoiseur of Peace and anyone who radiated loving feelings. She often enjoyed trying to play matchmaker or giving advice in reference to matters of the heart. One of her favorite past times, was either going to weddings, or creating them. Granny loved weddings like "cooked food".

The funny thing about marriage is, that after the regalia and excitement, no one ever anticipates what life is like after the "Big Affair." Granny always gave thought to what type of lives people would lead after they were married. She would often say to me.

"Ms. Mags people think married life is about running up and down with a big diamond ring and chatting about your husband dis and, you husband that. Sweetheart, it is much more than that. I remember when I got married, I had to get up at 4:00 a.m. every morning and make my husband cornmeal porridge, mix his milo, and I had to make sure his shirts and personal items were starched and ironed properly. Back then, we had helpers, but they don't do all those things. It was the wife's duty to make sure her husband was well groomed and fed always.
That's why I always worry about these young people when they say that they're getting married. I don't think they know what they are getting themselves into."

Granny would reminisce for hours about her early life with my Grandfather, and I would sit there like a fixture, listening while Granny told the story of how she went from a naive, innocent young woman to a clever, charming wife, and lady of the house. Granny continued.

"Magsie, I cooked three meals a day, made sure the house was clean and took care of my babies. Before I got married, I lived in my parents' house, I didn't lift a finger. We had our chores, such as spreading the bed in the mornings, setting the table and cleaning up after ourselves. Otherwise, the helpers did everything for us. So you can imagine my culture shock when I came to Kingston and had to take charge of my husband and house. Every Friday evening I got so fed-up, I used to take the bus back to Kellits to my parents. Every Monday morning, your Grandfather would drive like a lunatic to come and get his wife. What a time that was, but we always worked things out together. People nowadays don't do that. They are always looking for the quick and easy way out."

While Granny and I was having this conversation, we were sipping lemonade on the front porch, trying to escape the scorching summer heat. It was then, she gently motioned to me, pointing across the way.

"Mags, you see that lovely young woman, she just got married at church last week. I think their name is Zincquee or Quincee. Anyhow, they are two wonderful young people. The girl father own the candy shoppe down the road, and I think his people come from Hong Kong, but dem live in Jamaica."

"No kidding Granny! Did you go to the wedding?"

"Well, it was part of the service, so all the congregation was there. What a blessed event!"

As Granny and I continued to talk, Mrs. Zincquee came back out to shake out her rugs, while wearing her curlers in her hair. She called out to Granny."

"Hi Sister B, how are you this afternoon?"

Granny answered, "Well, in the name of the Lord! Come here dearest, Granny have something to say to you."

I sat there quite anxious, because I knew that Granny was about to give her the "Jamaican Belle" Speech. The "Jamaican Belle" speech, are the things you shoud not do to drive your husband away. Although I was only eight, I knew these rules very well. Granny took a deep sigh and started her conversation.

"Darling, I see that you are wearing your curlers and it's the middle of the afternoon, you musn't let your husband come home and find you with curlers in your hair. Neither must you make him find you the same way he left you in the morning. Don't parade up and down in your nightie and duster. Don't make him see you in them when he comes back home. Fix up your self really nice, so he will look forward to coming home. No man don't want to come home to a Hausfrau. Put on some nice perfume and make sure you smell so sweet, believe me, your scent will be lingering on his mind. He won't have time to think about anybody else."

The young lady smiled quite shyly, "Me know Sister B, but I was just trying to clean up the house before he got home. I was going to leave the curlers in, because it is so hot and humid."

"No sweetie-pie, you remember Ms. Wilson? Well, she used to wear curlers morning, noon and night. She used to go out with her husband in the car on Sunday evenings with the curlers in her hair. You know what? He ran off with his Secretary. Dear Heart, listen to Sister B I won't steer you wrong!"

"Now, since we are talking about these things, I have some advice for you. Please, in God's name, Don't make any woman get too friendly, friendly with your husband. You know the old saying, "Be wary of Greeks bearing gifts?" Some women have a hidden agenda. So make sure you are the only supplier of you husband's needs."

I sat there watching Granny take this young woman under her wings, trying to direct her in the new marriage. The young woman seemed rather grateful, apparently no one bothered to tell her about the not so fine parts of marriage. Which people often do tend to leave out.

"Thank yo so much Sister B, everybody make this marriage thing seem so easy, but there is so much to consider once you're in it. For instance, since we got married, everyday his relatives call with all sorts of requests, monopolizing most of his time. I don't really know how to address this situation. It is such a touchy subject."

"My love, just quote the bible, the bible says, "Husbands should cleave to their wives, and wives should cleave to their husbands once married." After marriage, you become each other's priority. If anybody don't like that, them can go and question God about it. I know he'll have the right answer for them. Sweetheart, just remember, no man want a baff hand woman. Keep a nice house, take care of yourself and children, when you have them. Also, try not to go to bed angry when you argue, because you never know for sure if you'll see the morning. I know it's easier said than done, but pray, and God will show you the way."

"Ok then Sister B, I have to go now, but I'll talk to you another time." Mrs. Zincquee skipped merrily to go take the curlers out of her hair and fix her husband's dinner. Apparently Granny's mission for the day had been accomplished.

As a young girl sitting there, watching my Granny teach someone about Married life, I must admit, back then I thought it rather amusing.

"Ok, Darling take care and enjoy your evening. Don't forget, if you need any recipes or advice, Sister B is here for you."

Now that I am a grown woman, I ponder on the lessons she gave that young wife that day, and it brought me to thinking about 9/11. How many wives and husbands wished they hadn't gone to bed angry the night before? Some never had a chance to say goodbye. You know, my Granny was a simple lady, but each day I find out how sophisticated she really was.

I know that if Granny is in heaven, she's probably counseling the wives and husbands of 9/11 saying, "Try not to fuss too much when you go around your loved ones, okay."

In memory of the lives lost on 9/11. Happy Valentine's!