Every parent likes to think that they have a prize cow in all their children, the world's best behaved children. However those utopian thoughts are soon doused at the first hint of criticism spewd by their family members, associates or peers.
 
Granny Gheeta was the expert on such matters, especially since she had a "hush-hush" policy when it came to chastising other peoples' children. Granny spent most of her later life taking care of her grandkids and sometimes paying attention to fer friends' grandchildren . Although Granny Gheeta was a stern disciplinarian, she often drew the line when it came to casting judgment on the little ones she took care of that were not related to her.
 
Granny felt that there was a comfort zone regarding the things she could say to her own relatives, because they were familiar with her ways and knew that she meant no harm by some of her critical remarks. Therefore, they knew instinctively not to take her scoldings to heart. Someone who was not related was more inclined to give strength to her criticism making mountains out of mole hills and eventually creating a hostile climate with her friends. Over the years Granny prided herself on knowing how to tread carefully concerning the children of other people.
 
Granny Gheeta always commented, "Jamaica people are so funny, they always act as if their children can't mash ants. You know, that is because at home they show them the angelic side of their personalities, but if you catch them in mixed company, it is a whole different story."
 
This statement of Granny's rang so true in my mind as I reminisced about classmates who pretended to be saintly in front of their parents, however, when caught off guard it was as if they had been possesed by the devil. One particular time came to mind when one of my classmates and I spent the afternoon with Granny. We had grown restless spending the evening accompanying her while she conducted her chores, which lead us to taking on the daunting task of decorating Granny's newly, cleaned veranda with flowers from the garden. As anyone in our family knew, Granny was extremely particular about the blooms in her garden, they were her pride and joy.
Next to her garden, Granny's other pet peeve was cleanliness, she hated a disheveled or untidy house.
 
So, in one short afternoon, my bestfriend Brigida and I managed to create mayhem and bedlam in Granny Gheeta's world. At the time of my mischievous prank, I never gave thought to the fact that Granny would chastise me regardless of the fact that I had a visitor. Often times, when we are little we tend to parade our shenanigans when company is around because we believe the visiting time to be the perfect opportunity to misbehave.
 
However, when it came to discipline Granny was reliable twenty-four hours, seven days of the week. She did not let bad behavior slide. As soon as Granny encountered our violation of her garden and dying decorations on the veranda, she began to call upon all the dieties of the hindu religion.
 
I figured, that Granny would wait until my folks came to retrieve me and let them have the honor of scolding me. But, Granny decided to take the proactive route.......She decided that I would bear the brunt of the whole situation because, I should have known better. I tried to explain to her that it really was Brigida's idea, however, she did not want to listen.
 
Granny Gheets just kept chanting, " I didn't teach you to be a vandalizer of gardens and you never did this before. Why show-off on your friend?"
 
Granny had made a valuable point......What had possessed me to act out of character that day? Perhaps it was the excitement of having another girl my age to play with. I was not quite certain, but deep down I knew that Granny was right about one thing, I knew better. Granny had decided that she would not say one reprimanding word to Brigida because it was not her place. She felt that if Brigida continued on the mischievous path she was on, eventually her parents would get a whiff of her behavior and one day she would have to pay the piper.
 
As I waited for my folks to return, Granny chastised me in front of Brigida which made me feel thoroughly embarrassed and feeling silly for having gone along with her whimsical play. As my grandmother, Granny Gheeta felt that she had the right to discipline me anyway she felt, but she would not over step her bounds by correcting an unrelated person's child or children. Oddly enough, when my parents arrived to retrieve Brigida and I, they realized that something had gone awry in the visit.
 
After much prodding and research my parents found out that my Granny had chastised me. Surprisingly, they were on my side. They too felt that it was their job only to discipline and correct me. They felt that grandparents were supposed to be caretakers of children, spoiling them and keeping them from harm, but never taking the proactive role of mother or father by doling out punishments.
 
After this episode Granny Gheeta learned to apply her belief of non-chastisement towards all children except her own. My parents made it quite clear that if punishment was not metered in the right way, it could cause irreparable harm to a child, and therefore prohibited my grandmother from ever doling out chastisement.
 
Needless to say, Granny was not a happy camper, but she learned to express her dissatisfaction in other ways. One look or a hand gesture was enough to convey that she was dissatisfied with your behavior. During this time Granny Gheeta also realized that it decreased her stress levels when she was not being the disciplinarian. Her role of loving and releasing became more joyful, because she knew that once my parents took me in hand, the mischief would be dealt with in a constructive manner.
 
As an adult, I have learned from this experience over and over again. I have been privy to children misbehaving in the most heinous manners, however, history has taught me to look and smile because ultimately it is their parents' job to scold, cajole and dole out punishment. 
 
If little Timmy or Suzie want to have a public meltdown or defy their parents, it really isn't anyone's business to cast judgment, ultimately, the parents will have to develop a plan for remediating his/her behavior.
 

Margeret Juliet Bailey
Sole Proprietor
Maggie's Poetic Delights
 

Tags: Granny Gheeta's Views On Chasting Other Peoples' Children