Most families whether Jamaican or otherwise all have their “wranglings” which they would rather keep buried under the kitchen table. Our family was no different and although Granny spent numerous hours studying her bible she was privy to all the family melodrama that simmered beneath the surface.

Granny was never one to talk ill of anyone or to perpetuate malice, however, she was a fair person and called an ace an ace each time something went awry.

One of Granny’s most interesting observations was that, many families experience drama because of outsiders or unsuitable marriage partners. Although, she was not a woman who discriminated against anyone, she had certain principles and thoughts on how “an addition” should be matriculated into the family.

My Grandmother often felt that an in-law should be part of the family, yet refrain from getting involved with “Family Politics”. Granny would comment that, sometimes family situations get blown out of proportion because marriage partners have their say or become too involved. Granny always felt it was best for family to handle their own battles, because fundamentally they understood each others dogmas and beliefs.

As they say in Jamaica, Most people will “buy-out” a conflict if it is happening in their family. Possessing the ability to remain impartial in the midst of a family crisis, is an art that not too many people have. Granny often commented that wives and husbands marrying into a family should be even tempered, accommodating and present if they were called upon for assistance. If there was a tense scenario happening within the family, they were to be observers but never getting involved.

Her thoughts were that too many cooks often escalated matters and made it worse. Granny would mention, “Too many differences in paradigms could throw the whole family dynamics off kilter.”

So, her advice to me was:

“Magsie, never get involved in family politics!”

“Don’t fry anybodie’s fat”, meaning, never fight any battle except your own. If relatives are close, they lack the fairness of seeing situations for how they truly are. They will ignore the facts and conspire with the person at the helm of the controversy.

Granny would urge me to be a good listener and never to get involved, especially in marital affairs.

She would say, “Ms. Mags, listen to their drama, but when it comes to voicing your opinion have very little to say, because when they are all luvey-dovey again, you will be the outcast.”

Granny continued to explain, “Most folks want everyone to think their life is a bed of roses, so after the bacanal, they alienate themselves from anything and anyone who had the slightest incling of their dilemmas.”

My Grandmother was a staunch believer of “Blood being thicker than water”.

She believed it was alright for a blood relative to say an unkind word about another, but if an outsider repeated an unkind word or phrase, that was not acceptable. Granny knew that each family had their own way of working out conflict, and should have the liberty to do so without the meddling antics of extended families or in-laws.

Granny’s words of wisdom to me in regards to “Family Politics”, whether my own family or a family I may inherit was to, “Always try to remain impartial, only give your opinion when solicited, and even then, be cautious. The words you may say, no matter how well meaning, may come back to haunt you.”

As an adult, I can attest to the fact that many families have been ruined by the gossiping family member, the “busy-body” wife or the husband who feels it is his mission to straighten everyone out. My Granny’s advice to these individuals would be, “Leave peoples’ family business alone! Let them work it out among themselves.”

Many times we see families going about their daily business, looking happy and content and we think, “Why can’t our family be like them?”

Just remember, they too are carrying the burden of “Family Politics” they just camouflage it a little better than everyone else.

Tags: Ganny and Family Politics