Jamaica

Some people never really get to know their Grandparents. Either because they were too young to remember them, or because they passed away before they were truly able to enjoy having them around. In my situation this was not the case. I was blessed to have known my two Grannies. I endearingly called them Granny #1 and Granny #2. Whenever my two Grannies got together you just knew it would make for a good story telling session.

When it came to me, my Grannies were always trying to "out-do" each other with attention, gifts, etc. One occasion comes to mind as I recall. Granny #1 had taken me on a lavish vacation on Cape Cod to enjoy nature and to have some fun. While I was away Granny #2 telephoned and found out that Granny #1 would be spending a great deal of time with me. Well, Granny #2 was beside herself with disappointment. She felt excluded from all the merriment. Then she went into a very competitive mode. She booked herself on the next flight and paid us a surprise visit on the Cape.

Granny #1 and I had been out all day at the beach, so you can imagine our countenances when we entered the house to find Granny #2 making patty and coco bread for our lunch in the kitchen.

Granny #1 said, "You came all this way to make patty and coco bread, or to see Magsie and I?"

Granny #2 said, "Sort of, I thought I would personally deliver these tickets I have for the U.S. Open. I got Mags a front row seat. You know, if you want to come with us. It is fine."

Granny #1 still recuperating from the shock of her sudden visitor replied, "Well, I don't know...If it doesn't interfere with church."

Granny #2 replied, "Yes. I know what you mean. But I don't think the Lord will mind if we have a little fun."

Granny#1 inquired, "So how are we going to plan this? Are we all flying back to New York together? I guess we can go to the event from the airport."

Granny #2: "That sounds like a good plan. So tell me, what you two have been doing for the past few days?"

Granny 1: "Magsie and I were relaxing and enjoying God's beautiful creations. We made a few puddings and practiced macramé."

Granny #2 was feeling unhappy about being left out from all of the festivities. However, the two Grannies talked for a while. They were able to come to an amicable arrangement in regards to spending time with me for the next few days. Although, I must say, they managed to confuse me thoroughly. If Granny #1 bought me an ice cream cone, Granny #2 bought me two boxes of ice cream. If Granny #2 gave me a frock, Granny #1 gave me five. It became ridiculous. At first, I must admit it was fun to get the attention but then, they would start arguing about going separately to places with me. They each wanted to go to different places.
I would have to constantly remind them that I was only one person and that splitting me in two was not possible without drawing suspicion to their competitive natures. So in order to keep things fair, we would all go together.

After a nerve racking few days on Cape Cod, it came time for us to journey back to New York. We arrived at Kennedy Airport in record time. As usual, everyone praised the pilot for landing us safely. Then we heard an announcement. "Please vacate the terminal!" Lo and behold! They had received a terrorist threat. The security people quickly shoved us off the plane. This was the one time I heard my Grannies agree in unison so quickly. They said, "Come, Ms. Mags, let's hurry up and go!"

They both swooped me up and ran for the baggage area, using their pocketbooks to shield me from any potential terrorists that might have been lurking. That's when we ran into an overzealous customs officer.

"Where do you ladies think you are going? We are on alert right now. It is a really tense time."

My two Grannies turned to him and said, "Tense? There is no need to be tense, God is in control. No terrorist can terrorize him!"

The officer was intent on being diligent he asked to go through our bags. Granny #1 said, "Son, the time you take fussing with us here, you see those men over there? You better catch them, I believe they could be terrorists."

Granny #2 chimed in, "You know, I think you might be right, they look a bit shady."

The security officer looked at them, "Are you two ladies for real?"

Granny #1 : "I think you are doing a fine job, but unless a bible is a weapon, you better go and question those men, I can feel it in my bones. They are up to no good!"

Granny #2: "Yes, sweetheart, unless a bible is a weapon. You wasting you time with us. Besides, we have to be somewhere else shortly."

I stood there looking at the two of them go into their sleuth mentality. Thinking for the most part, this man should just listen to them. Old Women armed with bibles have more foresight than any officer with tactical training. Finally, I decided to interject.

"Sir, you are whipping a dead horse. You better listen to my two Grannies, because if you make those men get away. I feel sorry for you. If they tell you something; Listen!"

The man looked at me and then looked at them, not quite sure what to do. He decided he would rather heed the warnings of two elderly women than risk thousands of lives. He quickly grabbed his hat and batton and ran down the corridor after the men.

My two grannies and I gathered our luggage and headed for the U.S. Open. Granny #1 decided it would be best to take a stretch limousine. It was all part of her plan to continue vying for 1st place. Granny #2 was too tired to argue. So, my two Grannies and I traveled to the Open in grand style.

We arrived at the Open and the limousine driver was having difficulty parking the car. He stopped abruptly in front of a woman driving a BMW, and we were thrown to the floor. Granny #2 tapped on the window and said, "Let us out here please! Don't bother yourself; we will take one of those jitneys. We really want to get there all in one piece. Thank you all the same."

So with bag and baggage we bid the driver adieu. We took a jitney the rest of the way. The entrance gates were not very crowded, so we were able to access the stadium quite swiftly after checking our luggage in. As we proceeded to our seats I became the object of a tug-of-war with my two Grannies.
They both pleaded, "Sit here, no sit here." Eventually they stopped. Why? Because flashing across the monitor was a news update: "Men nabbed at Kennedy Airport, Potential Terrorists."

Granny #1 yelled, "But wait, those were the men we saw! The guard catch them! (clapping her hands, she continued) Praise the Lord. Jesus Saves!"

Granny #2: "Amen! I wish I did have my transistor radio to hear more."

A man sitting in the row above us overheard the conversation and was kind enough to loan us his mini-television. There we were in living color, on the six o'clock news, "Two Grannies and their grand-daughter help nab Terrorists". We fell out of our seats in horror and dismay to know that their hunches had been accurate. My Grannies were ecstatic that they had done their civic duty and saved the friendly skies.
A task that put them both in first place with me!

We watched the rest of the match content to know, our athletes had served up some humble pie to their opponents.

My two companions excused themselves to go to the concession stands. I sat their relishing the events of the past few hours. A few minutes later, I heard voices in the distance...M-a-g-s! M-a-g-s-i-e! I turned around, it was my Grannies waving at me and yelling.

Granny #1: "Two or Three T-Shirts?"
Granny #2: "How about 4 sweatshirts and a baseball cap?"

I thought, "You know, they would make good Poker Players."

I sunk into my seat with embarrassment, covered my head with the program and yelled back, "WHATEVER!!!"