LIVE BROADCAST: Prince Harry Visits Kingston Craft Market (Jamaican Sketch)Published Mar 12, 2012
BoardLane TV has learned that Prince Harry took time out to visit Kingston’s Craft market earlier today. We have footage of Prince Harry’s visit to the market. Harry, dressed casually in an open-necked blue linen shirt, navy blue trousers and blue suede boots, was seen with his entourage walking along the side-walk heading to the Craft market. He seems un-phased by the usual hustle and bustle of the Kingston streets. As he strides along, a bus conductor tries to get his attention:
Devon: (Yelling from the steps of a mini-bus) Yow Prince Harry Potta! READY BUS DIS!! SAINT TAMAS WI A GOH! READY BUS! A Saint Tamas yuh a head, my yute?
Harry: (With a strong British accent) No mon. I am going to the Craft Market, just up ahead. Not going to Saint Thomas, or whatever you just said.
Devon: Trus mi star! Di Craft Market naah gwaan wid nutten inna di day yah, my yute. If yuh waan si some entatainment, step up inna dis mek wi carry dung a Saint Tamas pan an mek wi show yuh some bus a swim inna di riva wata. Di Craft Market canna cross dat!
Harry: Really? Buses swim in the river? That sounds awesome lad! But I’ve got to get to the market. Thanks for the offer though friend. Off you go!
Melvin: (Races towards the Prince) Whappen Harry?! Come mek mi show yuh ‘roun di market. By di way, mi love how yuh did duss out Bolt pan di track wah day. Touch mi my yute! A yuh a di nex worl boss. Anyway, mi a beg yuh lef someting gi mi fi mi trubbles dowe.
Harry: (Still walking) I don’t have cash on me , sir. My security team didn’t think it was safe for me to be walking around with dollars in my pocket. Sorry, I have nothing to give you.
Melvin: Ah-rite dat cool mi bredrin. But hear wah yuh can do fi mi, zeen? Let aff dah blue Clarks boot an gi di I noh! Di Clarks tun up til it buck! Soh weh yuh a seh? Man ago let aff di boot pan di I?
Harry: If I do that, then what on earth will I wear back to my quarters? The Prince of Wales need to have shoes on his feet. Besides there are holes in my socks. That would be all over the tabloids before I get back to England.
Melvin: No problem man! Mi can carry yuh ova to Aunty Edna stall. Shi sell all kina boot weh can fit yuh foot. Trus mi dread…. Miss Edna wi set yuh straight wid wan har secan han crep dem. Wah size yuh wear?
Harry: (Smirks) You are off your trolley! My shoes stays with me. Sorry pal. I can find my way around. Take care.
Vendors spot the Prince as he walks by and yell to get his attention:
Blossom: RASTA TAM! BIG HEEL BOOT, CHA-CHA BWAY BELT! Come inna dis Prince Harry!
Desmond: BRAN NEW GAZA CD! MAD MIX TAPE! BRAN NEW BOUNTY KILLA CHUNE A SELL AFF YAH SOH! Harry Toddla , weh yuh a seh? Buy a CD tape fram mi noh bredrin. A five a di English pound fi wan a dem. Dem MAAAADD mi a tell yuh!
Harry: They are mad as in crazy? Like a lunatic?
Desmond: Naah bredrin, MAADDD as in dem sell aff! A soh it goh!
Harry: But if they are sold off…why do you still have so many in your hands and in that plastic bag?
Desmond: A wah do yuh Harry Toddla? Yuh come een like yuh naah penny weh mi a try seh to yuh.
Harry: Soh now they cost a penny? Thought you said they were 5 pounds? Which is it? I am confused.
Desmond: Dread, a yuh a canfuse di issue enoh! Yuh a gwaan like yuh cyaan undastan weh big man a seh to yuh to blurtnaught! Yuh kow wah. Gwaan weh yuh a goh, cause mi an yuh noh deh pan di same level when it come to di communikatian, zeen. Mi cyaan chat fi yuh kina English.. so jus level, yuh hear. (Walking a way) BRAN NEW GAZA CD! MAD MIX TAPE A SELL OUT!
Bernicia: (Waving) Hi dere! Ova here soh handsome Prince Charming. Princes Di wan, an only wash belly, come buy some’in fram mi noh!
Harry: (Looking around her stall) Your wares look splendid! What would you suggest I get?
Bernicia: (Holding up a t-shirt) Buy wan a dem ganzi yah wid di iteS, green an gole pan di front. Mi waan when yuh step aff di plane a Englan yuh bash out like any Rasta! Den yuh can get wan a dem big mug yah wid di ackee pan it. Mi know seh yuh an yuh bredda love drink unu tea soh buy wan a dem fi im to.
Harry: Sounds good to me. I would love to get those.
Bernicia: (Excited) Yuh know what to Harry? Fram wah day mi a notice seh yuh bredda, William, head peal out. Soh buy wan a dem yah trash out Rasta Tam fi im fi cova im head tap. Den yuh sista-in-law, Katy now, shi wi look good inna dis taalll ears-ring wid di Doctor bud a heng aff pan it. Soh wi cova di national dish and di National bud inna wan buy! How dat soun?
Harry: Marvelous!! My security team will pay for them and give you a little extra for your kindness. Thank you so much… eerr what’s your name?
Bernicia: Bernicia Adams, dear lovely Prince Charming. Yuh soh cute. Wan more ting mi waan fi howks yuh dowe, Miss Dianna wash belly.
Harry: What’s that?
Bernicia: Yuh can sen fi mi fi come a Englan come mine yuh? Mi wash clothes good enoh and mi can cook anyting yuh want mi eat – yam, roast breadfruit, hog tongue, cow tripe – yuh name it! Mi han good wid broom an mop and mi skilled in bleaching an such tings.
Harry: (Smiling) No thank you, Bernicia. My Gran-mum has that taken care of. Keep your peckers up though! Thanks for the souvenirs. Off I go.
Boardlane TV: Well folks, that wraps up the footage we have on the Prince Harry’s outing at the market. We are happy to report that he did not end up visiting Saint Thomas to watch the buses swim in the Yallahs River. Enjoy the rest of your day.
About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and the author of the book “A Soh Wi Do It!”. She recently completed her second book "A Soh It Goh!". Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the Jamaicans.com forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world.
Check out her website for more information on her books and appearances - http://www.ackeepodpublishing.com/
© Written by Joelle C. Wright March 8, 2012
2 comment(s) on this page. Add your own comment below.
VERY FUNNY!!!! VERY WELL WRITTEN! You are a born comedian. Keep writing Miss Wendy. Make a film soon. BLESS