Tessanne Chin Storms The Voice: Jamaicans React. (Jamaican Spoof)Published Sep 25, 2013
Jamaicans woke up to a natural high after witnessing Reggae superstar, Tessanne Chin, dominated night two of The Voice’s blind auditions. Tessanne, who really had the judges going all-in, sang “Try” by Pink. The Jamaican had all four judges turned around by the time she hit the song’s chorus. Today Boardlane TV gets reaction from Jamaicans in downtown, Kingston.
Boardlane TV: Good day everyone, I am here in downtown Kingston where there a few elated Jamaicans gathered in a corner store still reminiscing about their home town girl’s performance on NBC’s, The Voice. Let’s hear what some of them have to say. Miss, step over here and tell us how you feel this morning after that wonderful performance by Tessanne Chin?
Joan: (Fanning away tears) Oh my sweet Jesas! Lady, a proud a Tennessee so til mi baddy WEAK!….
Boardlane TV: (Interrupts) Her name is Tess-anne. Not “Tennessee” …that is the name of a State in the US.
Joan: Oh sarry! Dats why dem chiney people fi gi dem pickney name weh black people can pronounce, enoh. Cho! Ah-rite, soh what I were saying was dat Miss Tennessee gi dem a peica show deh! Mi seh, when di girl touch pan di fuss note mi jump up in spirit sed time. Den yuh si when di fuss chair tun roun .. a pan di grung mi deh wid asthma attack to fawt! Is mi son haffi carry mi ventilator sinting soh mi coulda breade again. Wooiiii! Excitement come ova mi dat mi nearly dead! Tennessee, yuh sell aff, my girl!
Boardlane TV: Very nice…although you are still calling her “Tennessee.” Moving on. You Sir, was this a moment of pride and joy for you as it seems for everyone?
Graig: Den noh muss man! Bway, Jamaica really needed dis fi liff up wi spirit. Wi did a cry fi somting fi jubilate ova, caah si di blastid Reggae Boyz dem goh pan world stage goh put wi to shame wah day. Tess really tun up har ting loud pan di stage an mek wi can HICE UP di black, green, and gold once more. Wi well prouda har bad!
Boardlane TV: Well done, sir. Thanks. Hi there, come and have a chat with me. Did you see the performance and what do you think of it?
Icilyn: Dat lickle gyal pickney did granny heart proud but shi have to be very, very careful what shi talk out of har mout mek certain people hear.
Boardlane TV: (Confused) Come again. What do you mean by that, madam?
Icilyn: What I mean is, when Portia Simpson goh hear seh har singing is har Bread an Butta, shi naah goh do nutten but put aan more tax pan bread an butta. All Portia waan know is, if sinting a mek smaddy eat a food, it fi get tax an mi cyan an afford fi tax raise pan bread and butta caah dats all mi nyam a day time soh mi noh dead fi hungry.
Boardlane TV: (Chuckling) OK, madam. I hear you. Thank you for that Candid remark. Young miss, do you have anything else to add?
Rachel: (Holding the Mike) Yes, I would like to say to Tessa dat di whole a wi back home pulling for you shuga plum-plum. Wi also very happy dat yuh pick Adam an nat dat Country half-ediat name, Blake. How im fi ask di girl if she has ever been to Jamaica? Noh yah shi barn an grow?! Mi seh some people ignorant and dunce yuh si man! (Kiss teet) Well, im an im bow foot can nobaddy tink im a win dis again caah it ago bi Adam an Tess TO DI WOORLLLLLL!! Jamaicans seh soh!
Boardlane TV: I hear you. Well, we have just enough time for one more remark. Miss in the white blouse, come on over. Give us your feedback on the performance?
Bubbles: (Excited) Wooiiieee! Mi seh Missa Chin was di highlight a di night fi mi. Im jus goh pan di farrin TV an demand dat Tessa SHUT DEM DUNG BABY! Missa Chin noh tap jump up an prance like bull frag roun a back deh. But Lady, mi is a artical, rude gyal fram Vineyard Town an mi noh usually bawl fi much…but yuh si when Missa Chin start halla an seh, “Lawd mi lickle baby!” .. a buss out some cow bawling inna di place til all yeye wata soak mi ti-ti dem. Wi prouda all dem – dung to di puppa! Gad know!
Boardlane TV: Do you think she can win the show?
Bubbles: Lady, dat is a very foo-fool questian! Anyting di yaadie dem inna wi haffi tek di Gold! Only di lickle football a gi wi trubble but a troo dem bway deh a play wid two lef foot. Tessanne Chin a tek dis ting to dem! Nobaddy cyaan compare!
Boardlane TV: Well folks, there you have it. A very jubilant set of Kingstonians celebrating Jamaica’s Tessanne Chin’s appearance on the Voice which they deem a very proud and eventful night for Jamaicans around the word. This has been Wendy reporting from Kingston. Thanks for tuning into Boardlane TV.
© Written by Joelle C. Wright September 25, 2013
About the Writer
Wendy is an aspiring playwriter and the author of the books “A Soh Wi Do It!” & "A Soh It Goh!". She recently completed her third book "A Soh Dem Gwaan!" . Many of her ‘Jamaicanized’ stories and original sketches have been ‘viral’ on the Internet for several years. Many who have read her work has been known to laugh uncontrollably from the hilarious portrayal of the characters in the sketches. Wendy’s impressive writing portfolio includes the very funny Jamaicanized version of the Titanic, Cinderella (Punchinella) and most recently the sketch on the American Airline crash in Jamaica. Her work has been featured on the Jamaicans.com forums for over 12 years and enjoyed by many around the world.
Check out her website for more information on her books and appearances - http://www.ackeepodpublishing.com/