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  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
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    mi yawd
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    1,839

    Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    In an effort to compete with the likes of American Idol’s Final Five, the Friends series finale and pivotal plot-twists abound on any number of network series, this week Ja.ComTV is rolling out it’s own heavy weights, hoping to prevail for those all-important Nielson ratings.

    Monday While top rated American Idol shows a retrospective and clipfest featuring the five remaining finalists, Ja.ComTV premiers it’s new reality series, Jamaicaohlics Rule.

    Jahbudda: Hello, my name is Jahbudda, and I am a Jamaicaholic. I have a severe and unusual case. I believe I was genetically predisposed to Jamaicaholism.

    Set against the much digital-camera-captured tropical paradise of Ochi (and it‘s regular dancing venues), cameras will record the perilous journey of five insatiable Jamaicaohilcs and their quest to overcome (and secretly satisfy [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] ) their addiction.

    *QK push pass Jahbudda a stoosh soh fi di camera*

    QK: Hi. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] My name is QK and I am a Jamaicaholic. Worse than that *I* am an enabler. *fling cutyeye pon Jahbudda* *I* encourage others to become Jamaicaholics! Sometimes I even suggest where exactly they can score a cheap fix.

    But first, these die-hard enthusiasts have to make it to this island fantasy. It begins with a long and difficult journey through state, country and then regional competitions. The first show features the 10 finalists, selected by the producers, after an exhaustive search to all corners of the globe.

    *PastLifeJamaican come een lek obeah ooman… fling iyl pon QK*

    PastLifeJamaican: My name is PastLifeJamaican and I've been a Jamaicaholic since June 1998! I believe one of my past lives was as a Jamaican woman who owned a farm in the hills and a likkle piece of beach in Negril.

    *Jahbudda fling iyl bak pon PFJ*

    Jahbudda: Well, *I* was named after a Jamaican relative. Yes that's right, Jahbuddah Bateman. My grandmother has always believed I am her reincarnated.

    The camera shakes and you see arms and legs flying, but nothing much more… and then Queenb, all alone, sitting ever-so-regally before the camera, a quite large kinteet pon her face.

    Queenb: Hello, my name is queenb and I'm THE Jamaicaholic. In addition to STARTING the Negrilaholics chapter, I also brow-beat my 86 year-old mother into going to Jamaica. My house needs cleaning. I'm driving a 2nd-hand car. But I'm looking at real estate in Jamaica and will pay cash. Link me!

    In Monday’s premiere, all 10 finalist will be given an opportunity to make their bid for a regular spot on the 12-episode (3 month) series.

    Immediately after the premiere airs, the phone and email banks will be opened and the TV audience will pick the FINAL FIVE… with the results to be announced on Thursday’s LIVE special edition. Airing opposite the Friend’s finale, first hour retrospective.

    Tune in Monday and cast YOUR Vote and don't forget to watch on THURSDAY LIVE and see who wins!

    Wednesday Mix a little of the graphic, special-effects laden gore of CBS’s CSI and the hit comedy series Two and a Half Men and you have Ja.ComTV’s sexy sitcom, Body Partz. This week’s episode reveals the shocking truth…..

    Chickie: Bim: me nuh memba weh yuh pengyleng look like show me again nuh?

    **Bim tek out im pengy fi remind di gyal dem ow ie look**

    Bim: unu seet

    Jazz: LAAAAAWWWD OOOHHHHHH MI BLINE MI BLINE - MI CYAAAAN SI - SuMADDY CALL 911 EMERGENCY!!!!!!>>>> how de hell yuh fe tek out dem ugly breed ah tings deh an nuh give people no warning

    Ivory: is it real? mek mi ole on pon it a likkle bit and go fi a ride!

    *MarieK run go drap inna Bimmy awms*

    Marie: Lawd baby a long time yuh nuh touch mi dem way deh yuh nuh. *MarieK grab awn pan Bim terd leg*

    *Ivory nudge MarieK out of the way fi grab pan Bim terd leg*


    Will Ivory wrestle a ride and a randy rooske? Or will Marie prevail pon di pengy and prevent Ivory fram ah perch? Is there enough of Bim’s Body Partz to go around? Tune in Wednesday night for MUST SEE Ja.ComTV!


    Thursday: Battling against the FINAL NEW Friend’s episode ever on NBC finally , was well as a LIVE broadcast of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on ABC, is Ja.ComTV veteran Pepper’s variety special, Extreme Friends.

    Get ready for a buffalo chip throwing contests with Captain Underpants. Call-in Poll/Shopping Tips: Undercharged at the grocery store - Do you give it back? If it’s a Big Establishment… keep walking. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

    Pepper also answers that one burning question, we all have been asking since we were 5….. Why did Jack and Jill go all the way up the hill… instead of taking the short cut past Mass Ranny’s shop?

    And then the all-star cast of Extreme Friends looks to rope een jahlive for an extreme makeover.

    Pepper: Bruks..How come yuh outta you and yuh bredda, you get all di good looks?

    Brukky: ....Mi hear seh mama find him a bush a Westmoreland..dats why we nuh fayvah.....

    *jahlive bax brukky inna chess*

    Jahlive: Oy dey renking bway.. Yu si if mi did hugly like yu mi wouldn a chat bout looks yu noh..

    Di bway di hungly as a pickney yu si. Im face fayva wen dutch pat bun so bad dat all mi granny couldn tek im. Shi use to juss tie im nipple bakkle roun di dawg neck an sen im in to im. Yu waa si di poor mogrel a try run whe to..

    MsPowell: Wah bout jahlive red batty?

    *Everybody look pan MsPowell lek shi know sintin deh* *raise eyebrows*

    *MsPowell look pan di camera redlite a know seh everybody tink shi a check jahlive batty*


    MsPowell: Mi jus figure seh, dat hif han red, him face red, nose red, den hym batty muss red. Wait deh? Jahlive a bleach yuh a bleach? Gwaan true My African Queen.

    MarieK: den dem nuh mek bleachin cream fi batty?

    Jazz: yuh evva si Jahlive Batty?? ah plenty batty dat fe bleach yuh nuh. Turn ova soh babes show wi yuh ting

    Brukky: How unu tek good good informative show and tun it een a jahlive bent ova a show im batty?....CHAAAAAAAAAAAA

    Pepper: *kinteet* pon brukky A woman can’t ride your back unless it’s bent, nuh troo Blotto? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

    *Brukky look pan jahlive, who look pan Pepper, who look pan di camera* And we'll be right back after these commercial messages from BleachBrite....

    ++++++++

    All this week on Ja.ComTV... DON'T MISS IT!

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    16,509

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

    Gwaan chooo (((Lacy))).

    Weh yu did deh wid di suss all dis time? DWL

    Respek sistren!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    America
    Posts
    37,118

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    Pepper: *kinteet* pon brukky A woman can’t ride your back unless it’s bent, nuh troo Blotto?

    kiss me granny...., [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

    ((((((Lacy)))))) gwaan chrooo my girl..,

    gooooood job.., [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
    “Those who know your name will trust in you, for you LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you” (Psalm 9:10)

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    brooklyn new york by way of Kingston5, Jamaica
    Posts
    4,156

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    mix dem up yuh hear. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img] Ah tink chickie did sey more dan dat eeh nuh
    Only your friends know your secret. So only he, could reveal it!

  5. #5
    Administrator
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    29,177

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    Originally posted by Ctry:
    [qb] Pepper: *kinteet* pon brukky A woman can’t ride your back unless it’s bent, nuh troo Blotto?

    kiss me granny...., [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

    ((((((Lacy)))))) gwaan chrooo my girl..,

    gooooood job.., [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [/qb]
    Kiss me Granny is right [img]/forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

    Lacy, yuh good yuh know. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
    7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

  6. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Tenament Yaad
    Posts
    33

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    Good one Lacy!

    yuh have more weh dis cum fram? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]
    Dem Cyaan Tek Mi Soul, Yuh Nuh.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Posts
    4,693

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img] This is too funny.. Lacy yu hav som seross talent dey babes..

  8. #8
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Mumbai, India
    Posts
    23,683

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    *BOAL* - ah weh u did ah hide an tape all dis??

    good job - dis really funny [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    mi yawd
    Posts
    1,839

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    Lawwwwwd... mi tek wan trip dung boardlane and mi belly di a buss. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img] Oonu mad eediot dem fi troo.

    bleach jahlive batty ride pon Bim pegleg Mi naah seh hennyting bout alla suss fram di downlow bwoy dem.

    Wid alla oonu foo-foo chat, mi did hav 2 more Ja.ComTV series in mine.. but di sintin awredi reach 3 page. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Downeast
    Posts
    26,087

    Re: Ja.ComTV May Sweeps - Suss

    good one lacy...now that is must see tv. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]
    If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

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