Jamaica

Pay attention, Foreigners, Jamaican nationals, and space aliens, if you have never seen Jamaica like a "A Real Jamaican Tourist" here is a guide so you will not be unprepared.

• US dollars - U.S. currency opens doors like no key could ever do.
• No skimpy clothing - Okay I know you want that tan but wait till you see the mosquitos. They are immune to repellants.
• Extra U.S. dollars - to pay the honest Jamaican Officials who will take care of your speeding tickets etc.
• Expensive Sun Glasses - This is the mark of a true tourist.
• Extra U.S. dollars - everyone is a movie star so you may have to pay to take pictures with the natives.
• Bright colored floral shirts, shorts, straw hat and sandals - Fit in with the natives who all wear this type of attire.
• A print out of "Talk Jamaican"
• Sun tan lotion - Even though you are not wearing skimpy clothes the heat may actually give you a decent tan.
• A big diplomat Smile - This will come in handy when turning down the many natives who will try to sell you something. A U.S. friend of mine bought a gold mine in the Limestone Mountains of Jamaica.
• Patience - If you never had patience before once you have experienced some of the services in Jamaica you will definitely learn it.
• Ride a Jamaican Mini-bus - Forget about renting a car. Feel the closeness of the people as you travel around the Island in a sardine crammed mini-bus.
• Carry No Medication - Try the many herbs and spices that will cure just about any sickness. These are the cures that are regularly featured under fake names in reputable newspapers that have names like Inquirer, Sun etc.
• Go to a Reggae Concert - Jamaican time, which is 2 hours late, does not apply here. Super Jamaican time applies to Reggae Concerts. Get there 6 hours late and you may be the first to arrive. Please be aware that you may think you hear gun shots after every performer. Actually I think you heard a firecracker.

A final note. When you leave Jamaica leave the habits you learned there....go figure.