| So You
Want to Take Your Teen to Negril, Huh?
By
Suzette Lisuk M.A. (aka MOTOWN)
OK. Either you or your child has decided that
the beautiful island of Jamaica is a must see and do. Fine. That
is laudable and shows that either one or the both of you have
some taste. Now, I would like to open your eyes to a few hard,
cold facts before either of you board that plane:
1. Your teen will love you for bringing him or her to this island
paradise, but they will NOT love spending the majority of their
time with you, near you or listening to you.
2. Jamaica is chock-full of breathtaking sights and views that
you will never experience anywhere else on this planet. Your teen
will have little, if any, interest in this side of tourism.
3. The beaches, particularly Negril's 7-mile stretch of perfection,
are still, calm and peaceful with barely a ripple in the water.
Any teen worth their salt will have located the loudest, smelliest,
gas-guzzling-machines-for-rent within 24 hours of landing on the
beach.
4. Did I mention that YOU would be paying for all of these motorized
sports? (Hold that thought!) It will be your ace-in the-hole later
in your trip.)
Before panic sets in and you start thinking of doing Disney 'one
more time'; there is a magical side to the island and it's rhythms
that connect deeply with an adolescent's developing independence.
Maybe this connection hinges on the fact that both the island
and the teen are just entering into a sense of themselves and
their places in the world? Perhaps it is because in Jamaica, most
adolescents are considered 'grown' and expected to behave like,
young adults rather than over-sized children? Whatever it is,
it is truly a wonderful experience to watch as any teen finds
their place among the people and the customs of this Caribbean
Jewel.
My son and I ended up choosing Negril for our entry into Jamaican
society. Negril suited our two vastly different age groups (I
am 40 and he is 14) 'to a tee'. I like swimming, live reggae and
eating. He likes walking the beach, live reggae and spending my
money; we were both happy. There was far more activity and tourists
on Negril Beach than I would choose for myself traveling alone,
but with a little negotiation, a happy compromise can be reached.
I'm sure you and your boss/overseer...oops! I meant teen, will
also be able to arrive at an arrangement agreeable to the both
of you.
Let's begin with accommodations. I got to choose our first hotel
because I am really the boss, (shhhh) and, again, I was paying.
I landed us in a somewhat upscale, smaller property that was gorgeous
and 'private' and somewhat boring if you were a teen alone with
your mother and no other kids in sight. After 3 days we were both
so accustomed to the beach and it's ways that we were venturing
farther and longer from our villa every day.
My son began his campaign to move us 'closer to the action' our
first night in Negril. He worked harder than a higgler to get
me to even look at some of the other beach properties but I'm
glad I did. We ended up with a room closer to the ocean, at half
the rate with a much nicer view and centrally located to most
everything from glass bottom boat rentals to live Reggae. This
hotel was quite full compared to the place I had started us at
and we were usually surrounded by groups of people speaking several
different languages at once; English, German, Italian, etc., and
we were much closer to the locals and Ex-pats in the area as well.
If you want to meet people, go to the center of the beach and
bring a teen! Even if you find yourself in that most desperate
of circumstances, having a teen ALONE with no similarly aged friend
or cousin from back home brought along expressly for the purpose
of allowing YOU to remain prone on a lounge chair for two weeks,
(see if I make THAT mistake again), you will still find plenty
of friendly people to help keep your teen occupied. Jamaicans
seem to expect more from their teens than what we typically do
from our adolescents in the States, but by the same token, they
also treat teens as somewhat responsible citizens capable of making
choices for themselves. Most young people in Jamaica work very
hard. Younger teens go to school and work, the older ones work
longer. You will seldom see Jamaican youths lounging on the beach
(that is left for the older guys and Ex-pats picking up tourist
women) or whining to their parents that they are bored (that is
left for the tourist children who are going through withdrawal
from their TV's and video games). I noticed that whenever two
or more Jamaican teens were gathered together with more than five
free minutes to themselves, they wasted no time in whipping up
a game of soccer, volleyball or 'beach spinning' sort of a Jamaican
version of cannonballs, only done from the shore, head-first into
very shallow water! They were also able to have loads of fun and
laughter with very little money to help with the entertainment.
If your teen fails to notice this on their own, by all means point
this out to them at every available occasion! One of the big advantages
to having your teen witness other teens working hard and being
self reliant, is the fact that they will also be able to experience
first hand the rewards and responsibilities that come with behaving
so well.
The French have a term 'rapprochement' (rah proach mon) that
essentially means 'to re-approach'. It is used often in psychology
to describe the sort of give-and-take tug-of-war going on between
parents and teens during this sometimes-challenging time known
as adolescence. On the one hand, teens crave and need to explore
and stretch beyond their comfort zone AND yours! This is how they
learn. On the other hand, teens need and crave a secure 'home
base' to retreat to or 're-approach' in between explorations.
This is how they feel safe while they are learning. Your teen,
if the are conducting themselves as the budding adults that they
are, will most likely be asked if they would like a shot of rum
added to their coke or served a cold Red Stripe right along with
you at dinner. Young men may approach them on the beach to buy
tobacco or marijuana. This is a bit of an adjustment for most
teens coming from a country like America that requires they be
18 before they can purchase a book of matches! (Actually, this
will probably be much more of an adjustment for you! Your teen
has most likely already been offered these same things and then
some! It's just that in Negril it's much more open.) This is a
very unique opportunity for you to actually BE THERE, to watch
or help "WHEN NEEDED", as your teen develops their own
sense of testing waters and setting limits.
[Side note: If, for whatever reason, you have not had 'the talks'
with your child regarding drugs and alcohol. NOW would be a good
time. However your family chooses to handle these topics is a
personal matter but I would discuss them before you hit the beach.
FYI: Drinking alcohol in Jamaica doesn't appear to be as popular
among teens, or the population in general, as it is in the States.
My son noticed in the first few days that the vast majority of
people that he saw that appeared to have drunk too much were tourists.
If you are staggering down the beach, in a drunken state, you
will stand out. It is not common or 'normal' at all. I think this
is a good message for U.S. teens that are bombarded with advertisers
that try and normalize booze on a daily basis back home. Marijuana
is illegal in Jamaica. It is ESPECIALLY illegal for little American
children who have never experienced a Jamaican jail before nor
have the resources to bail themselves out should they not believe
you. My advice? Let your teen have the medical benefits of marijuana
explained to them by one of the older fishermen or Rastafarians
on the beach. Nothing quite takes the mystique off of ganja like
having an 80-year-old man show your child 'close-up', just how
the local herb helps his arthritic toes and relieves hemorrhoids!
(We never actually SAW the hemorrhoid preparation but trust me;
pot will never again seem quite so cool for your teen after an
introduction like that!) ]
They should feel silly even uttering the word 'bored' and I doubt
you will hear that phrase even half as much as you do back home...if
at all! Negril is set up to accommodate socializing, eating/drinking
on the go and impulse buying. In other words, it is very similar
to the malls back home except THIS mall just happens to be in
the fresh, open air, is almost seven miles long and sits on one
of the most beautiful stretches of powdery-white-gold sand in
the world! The water is bathtub warm and very calm. If your teens
looks a day older than Haley Joel Osment (that kid-actor that
saw dead people) or has enough cash, they will most likely be
able to rent large, powerful machines on their own. Do not be
as horrified as I was at first. Don't forget what I said earlier.
The ability to pull the plug on the entire motorized deal lays
completely in YOUR hands...BOTTOM LINE! Also, bear in mind that
the young men that rent these machines, also own these wave-runners
or are friends/colleagues of the guy that does. These guys usually
grew up on this island and know the Caribbean like you do your
hometown. They know where to ride and what speeds are safe. They
not only have a vested interest in your child safely returning
(their main source of income) but there seems to be a genuine
warmth among Jamaican men, in general, towards children. Teens
are not babied here as they often are back in the States. They
are expected to hold conversations as adults and be respectful!
I never ONCE heard a Jamaican teen speak disrespectfully to any
adult and not draw excessive amounts of attention to themselves.
In return, they will be spoken to like adults, given choices to
make on their own, treated as an almost equal and even have THEIR
thoughts and opinions listened to once in a while. Really listened
to; and respected.
I know that I certainly learned a bit about parenting in general
and my son in particular, on this trip. We learned quite a bit
about each other actually and, you know what? We discovered that
we might actually be the kinda folks that each of us would like
to hang around with once in a while. While this may be a wonderful
opportunity for you and your teen to come together as equals in
a way that is quite unique. This is NOT the time or place for
your kid to discover that you were once the 'keg queen' at your
dorm or the guy that could always be counted on to drink the bong
water! Remember: "rapprochement"! They need a home base
to re-approach when they become uncertain or nervous and that
home base is YOU. I made sure that I was always the one to "yawwwn"
and get tired first or comment on how loud the music was getting.
(Yeah, right!) Now is not the time when your teen should have
to be worried that they 'can't keep up with Mom or Dad'. Let them
be the little explorers and adventurers that nature intended them
to be. You be the anchor to hold them steady as they reach and
explore the wonders of the beach life... and themselves in Negril.
ADDED BONUS!! After becoming adept at the social skills required
of a tourist on the beaches of Negril, High School and all of
its potential angst and social minefields will be a walk in the
park for your now 'World-Wise' teen.
Suzette Lisuk
M.A. is an Individual and Family Therapist living in the Pacific
northwest of the United States with her 14-year-old son, Nicholas.
They both happened to have fallen in love with Jamaica this year.
Feel free to email either of them with any questions you may have.
More information on Negril
Introduction
Where to stay
Where to eat
Transportation
Things to see & do
Shop Now
for anything and everything Jamaican in our online store.
|
