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  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Backwoods of the Midwestern USA
    Posts
    711

    So Mom's visiting from JA....................

    It's been 3 years since we've seen her and while we are happy to, she's only been here 3 days and we are ready to send her on her way.

    First, she raised hell about the 30lbs of pork that we have in the deep freeze. (she's 7th Day Adventist....)Frankly, we are not and we have no intention of giving up the other white meat.

    Next morning, she's on the front porch taking out her curlers and "fixing her hair" while all the neighbors are wondering if she is crazy or not!!

    Then off to lunch to a chinese restaurant in the City. And I should have remembered what happened the last time and put a stop to her meal request. She orders a whole red snapper, coupled with all the spices favored by the chinese folks; the waitress brings it out and a big plate, the people around us are "oooh'ing and aah'ing" when they smell it and see it.

    The first damn thing that Mom does, is grab the fork, spearate the head from the fish, picked it up with her hands and proceeds to suck the head out!!!
    So while the boys are laughing, Me, Mel and Britt are sitting there speechless as Mom goes to town on the fish head. Other people are speechless too and pretty much in shock and I am about to [censored] explode!!!

    Mel notions to me to keep my mouth shut!! I do, but I don't know for how long! We stop at Walmart to get her some stuff. Mel and Britt are hanging with her and the boys are with me. I'm 2 aisles over and I here the most God awful belch that scares the hell out of the boys and somebody saying "tank yuh Jesus". (SIGH)...Mom again!!!

    Britt comes around the corner and tells me that Mel wants me to go to the vehicle with the boys and wait. As I walk by the aisle where Mom is, some of the people I see are either laughing their rear off or just standing there...once again....shocked!!

    I remind myself that I love this woman and just head to the car.

    About 10 minutes later, we are on our way home. Mel, Britt and Mom are chattin up a storm...the patois is flying and they keep asking me "what did Mom just say". I don't answer, I'm too ticked off!!

    Ok, so it's Friday morning and Mel decides that she wants to take Mom to the garage sales so she can grab some stuff for some of the less fortunate kids back home in the neighborhood church. I tell Mel that it's a bad idea (taking Mom) but she insists. I remind Mel that he last time she visited, we were living in the "sticks" basically, the closest neighbor being a half a mile away and Mom could get away with being herself. We live dead smack in the middle of town now........and Mom is yet again intent on being herself!!

    They leave!!! This could get ugly!!

    I didn't realize just how ugly it got until Britt calls in a panic and says, "come get Granma". I said to myslef, "Oh God, what now?"

    I pull up the garage sale location, take one look, tell Mel, "this was your idea" and drive off!!

    [<span style="font-weight: bold">what was it?]</span>

    Apparently when they left earlier, it was still a little cool (about 68...yes it's June I know). Mom had been wearing a light jacket of mine and had her head wrap on to cover her curlers. When it got warmer, Mom had removed the jacket to reveal that she was not wearing a bra under the T-shirt she was wearing (ok you get the picture) and removed the head wrap revealing the brightly colored curlers. Not only that but as I pulled up, she was huggin on the Police Chief who had stopped to visit one of the City Council members who was having the garage sale!!

    I'm on the phone calling my sister now to get her a flight to Miami then on to JA so she can deal with her. I'm trying to remind myslef that she is 73 years old, set in her Jamaican ways,....... but I still have to live in this town. People around here at one time found it hard to believe that I was Jamaican.......but not after meeting Mom!!!

    Worse, the folks at work have requested that I bring her up to the office so that they can meet her.....

    Nnnnnnooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!


    (It's Saturday morning....her Sabbath....Mel's shopping day, the kids play day, my time away to myself day.....wait.....the house is quiet, where is Mom?

    I just called Mel, they are out doing the garage sale thing again!!!!)
    <span style="font-weight: bold">&quot;It is better to be hated for you are than to be liked for who you are not&quot;</span>

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